Alaskan Bush People Cast Parody

Alaskan Bullshit PeopleIn 2014, Discovery Channel and ParkSlope Productions introduced us to a new low in ‘reality’ TV. We all know there’s a certain level of BS in these shows, but this is the undisputed king. We are told in the intro to each episode that we were about to see a ‘bush’ family that had been living isolated in the Alaskan wilderness for 30 years and was just recently ‘discovered’. Even after the mountain of evidence to the contrary, this family continues to embarrass themselves and the producers of the show by stepping all over their own bullshit backstory with each episode.

Click HERE to read complete episode recaps!

Find out what’s new with the Brownklownz.

NOTE: We now have a Facebook page dedicated to Alaskan Bullshit People!

So, sit back and enjoy this little parody (peppered with some factual links) called Alaksan Bullshit People.


BullshitBillyBrown ZZZzzzz… huh-wha? Oh, Hi, I’m BullshitBilly, the leader of this grifting clan. Don’t let my sad, puppy dog eyes fool you, they only look that way when I just wake up from one my numerous naps throughout the day, or when I’m scammin’ money from friends and family (or gullible TV viewers). Although I lied and told Discoverup and ParkSlop that we lived in the bush and were isolated from other people, we somehow managed over the years to create MySpace and Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, websites, and YouTube videos featuring my dull-witted offspring hocking my phony book One Scam At A Time in 2008. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m late for my next nap.
My name is SpotlessAmi, or Am-e, or Amy… Depends on the day and which family member we owe money to or law enforcement agency that we’re running from. Despite living in the bush and washing our clothes in cold creek water by rubbing them against rocks, my wool sweaters always look as if they were cleaned professionally in town. I’m constantly nagging my children to surround me with grand-babies, but with their good looks, intelligence, and endless job prospects, it should only take 30 or 40 years. SpotlessAmi

Please give to the ASPCA
Seriously, the link works. Please give to the ASPCA.

Mutt from Alaska Bullshit People I’m Mutt, the oldest. This means I’ve been subjected to my parents’ bush brand of Munchausen the longest. Daddy says if I try and leave again he’ll slip into another one of his coma’s that last right up until work is finished. I’ve tried to escape a couple of times, but even when hiding in cities or flying on airplanes, they still manage to find me… I mean in the bush. Maybe they know my bush cell phone number. There are times when I actually seem sane and likable, but then I spend time with the rest of this brain-trust and I’m back to being a Brownclown.
I’m Bum. In 2008, Daddy found one of them fancy new fangled video recorders and made us say things about his book into a glass circle. You can see them on YouTube. I mean, what is YouTube? That’s a weird word. Did you just make it up? We’ve been living in the bush for the last 30 years, right? RIGHT?! Oh, ignore my bleach-blonde hair back then. That was caused by… ummmhhh… deer urine I rubbed on it while hunting. Yeah, that’s it, cuz every bush person knows deer urine takes the color out of hair. Bum from Alaskan Bullshit People
Wolverine from Alaskan Bullshit People Wolverine here. I’m the one that sounds like Sean Connery with head trauma. I do most of the heavy lifting on the show since BullshitBilly is always taking a nap or having one of his work-avoidance coma’s. Still, I can’t help but fawn over Daddy despite his gross incompetence when it comes to just about anything (except getting out of work). Sometimes I slip up and talk about things like how we all lived in an apartment when I was a kid, but ParkSlop and Discoverup told me to say we all lived isolated in the bush for the last 30 years or else those magic checks will stop appearing.
DuhVinciNoah at your service-ahhhhh. I tend to needlessly drag out the last word of my sentences in an attempt to sound smarterrrrrrrr. I’ve been told I’m the genius of the family, like Alan Einstein or Steven Hawkmannnnnn. You’ve probably seen me on TV using my Tai-Chi skillzzzaahhhh. I learned them from a Kung Fu Master, Bruce Lee…bowitz. I wasn’t always a puffy shirt wearing pompous ass but now that I’m smart I have to dress like it-ahhhhhhhh. By the way, if anyone from MIT or Stanford is trying to reach me, just call me on my latest invention… A telephone system made from old soup cans and string-ahhhhhh. DuhVinciNoah from Alaskan Bullshit people
ExtremeBore from Alaskan Bullshit People Extreme hi, I’m ExtremeBore. I was given that extreme name because after 5 minutes of listening to me use the word “extreme” an extreme amount of times in a sentence, people are extremely bored. I’m kind of an extreme one-trick pony. All I have going for me is my extremeness, which in and of itself is extreme, but as part of a complete personality profile it’s extremely sad and depressing. I also like to light extreme fires, climb extremely high, and roll around in extreme mud. With all that extremeness going for me, I can’t figure out why I’m still extremely single? Extreme.
Hello, I’m Birdbrain. I’m the hunter and marksman of the family. If mom didn’t spend every penny on shiny new sweaters and coats for every episode, I could probably get my teeth fixed. But then how would I open cans? I guess Wolverine could open them but he gets distracted easily. One time he stared at a can of frozen Orange Juice for 3 hours because it said ‘Concentrate’. I can’t figure out why I don’t resemble any other family members… I mean, c’mon, do I look like the child of a wrinkly, pot bellied grifter and a dead-behind-the-eyes aging hippy facing felony charges. Birdbrain from Alaksan Bullshit People
AcidRain from Alaskan Bullshit People I’m AcidRain if you’re reading this, please HELP!. My full name is Merry Hanukkah Who Cares Jingleheimer-Schmidt.  Being the youngest, I stand the greatest chance of overcoming the immense psychological damage my parents have inflicted on us seriously! Call the authorities!. Maybe Daddy could use some of the money from his Children’s books to get me a therapist. Oh, wait… They never existed, they were probably just another one of BullshitBilly’s numerous scams to raise money hurry before they see me typing this!. Oh well, back to having a high school drop-out give me another 2 minute lesson on chemistry using rocks and sticks I’m not joking! For Godsakes PLEASE help me!

That’s the way we all became The Bullshit Bunch

bsbunch

15 Responses to Alaskan Bush People Cast Parody

  1. Snow N. C. says:

    I love Alaska.

  2. Snow N. C. says:

    Noah is fifth-born, and “Bear” is third from the oldest.

  3. EvilPixel says:

    Hahahah i had to cry from laughter, this was so good 🙂

  4. SaveMerryHanukkahWhoCares says:

    This page is epic! Hahaha Sad but tru…

  5. Shawn H. Hall says:

    GOD, I hate this show! But like a deer caught in the headlights, I am unable to look away! I watch every episode, transfixed! I was dizzy with disbelief! Then, I found this website that explains what ACTUALLY happens inside each episode. I was SO relieved! I’m NOT insane after all…The BROWNS are! Grifting, lying, thieving insane maniacs! The episode recaps really cleared up everything for me. Oh, plus I actually laughed myself SICK! *wipes away tears of laughter* *HOO BOY!* *HAHA!* Umm… Oh… Anyhow, you NAILED them, personality-wise. Great job!

    PS: Did you notice how EXTREME this post is? I used extreme “!’s” a LOT!!! I bet that ExtremeBore would EXTREMELY LOVE IT!!!

    • Beavis says:

      Thanks Shawn. Glad you got a bit of a laugh 🙂

      • Shawn H. Hall says:

        Well, I don’t like to brag for YOU, but I must. I am still laughing while reading the episode plot summaries. I am thus further assured that you will absolutely skewer them in any new season. Am I right? Oh yes, and shame on the “Discoverup” channel and “ParkSlop” for bringing such trash to TV. On the other hand, if they were not on the air with this show, you could not have this much fun skewering the “Bush” jerks.

        Finally, are you certain that the production crew got the title of the show correct from the start? “The Alaskan BUSHED People” seems more appropriate, as they are undoubtedly exhausted from trying to keep all the lies straight, AND from dragging around all of their ill-gotten “bush” gains. How are they paid? In pelts, bear grease, crab carcasses, etc.? Carrying all those trading post goods around would exhaust anyone…except maybe “ExtremeBore,” because he is so extr…oh, hell, you know…!

        • Beavis says:

          Thanks Shawn. If they’d only label the show as a scripted weekly drama it would be different 🙂

          • Shawn H. Hall says:

            Sorry to bother you again, but I just wanted to add something real quick. It seems that I just got home and found out that I forgot to turn off my TV this morning when I left. All of a sudden, I was in the other room when I heard the most horrific sound…BullshitBilly’s voice, loudly lamenting that: “This will set us back to square one!”…AGAIN.

            I can’t help but ponder that the “Alaskan Bullshit People” have been at “square one” for so long that not a one of them could ever have won a single game of “Aggravation” or “Parcheesi” or the like. You would think that at least one of them could have made it to “square TWO” by now.

            This episode, by the way, (AGAIN!) was the one where ExtremeBore painted his “shit (outhouse?) shack” (although ExtremeBore calls it a “house”) with berry juice, which is just what you want to do if you are terrified of bears, as it is one of their favorite foods. However, I can’t help but think that hopefully(!) ExtremeBore will be eaten by a bear seeking a berry. At least one can hope…!

          • Beavis says:

            Absolutely no bother. Please keep your thoughts / comments coming.

  6. Lucy says:

    This page is so funny and good for you, as these people are so fake and annoying, extreme bore really gets on my nerves, putting mud on his face, rolling about, jumping and that howling!! and of course the use of the word extreme, he acts like he is 12.
    keep up the good work 🙂

  7. Shawn H. Hall says:

    The stupidest parts of this bs show that make me laugh the hardest are:

    1. The fact that whenever there is a “disaster,” the cameras are always positioned EXACTLY where they may obtain the best shot of the “unscripted” disaster; i.e., at ground level, in the air, up close and personal, over the shoulder, etc. BS! And so stupid!

    And,

    2. A close second, stupid-wise, is every time they show Birdbrain shoot, they film a closeup of her pulling the trigger. Anyone who has ever shot at long-range targets or hunted, such as I have, knows that one would NEVER be able to hit a target or game at any appreciable range by “jerking” the trigger…which is how Birdbrain ALWAYS pulls the trigger. No wonder they never show her shooting at something from behind. Anyone watching would immediately see that she never, ever hit anything at which she tried to aim. BS AND stupid…

    I calls ’em as I sees ’em…, haha!

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