Let the bullshit countdown begin! Let’s see if the show can go more than 10 seconds without spouting the first bit of bullsh… And there it is! The narrator tells us that it has been weeks since NoDuh heard anything from his dull witted siblings regarding Scami’s condition. What, is the phone in your Hoonah Extended Stay broken? What about your bush cell phones? What about the ParkSlop production dildo’s following you around? You couldn’t borrow any of their phones to call AcidRain who’s cell phone is always hanging out of her back pocket when she poses for photos in Walmart while spending the harsh Alaskan winter in Phoenix?
NoDuh waxes retardingly telling us that as he walks around Browntown he is just overcome with memories. Memories of what… being ferried out there a couple weeks a year to pretend you live there so damaged fans can continue to admire your family’s “bush” spirit? Jesus Christ.
And please, NoDuh, drop the Godamn “Ahhhhhhh” at the end of every friggin’ sentence! I know the helmet wearing fans of this shitshow think you’re some kind of genius because of your slurred speech impediment, but give it a rest already! Everyone else knows you’re just a third-grade level functioning, self-absorbed, smarmy douche-nozzle.
Cut to Kaliforny and let’s see what’s new and exciting there. Well, nothing. They spend the first few minutes showing us flashbacks of boring shit that happened in last weeks snooze-inducing episode.
Today is the day they get the biopsy results back. Scragglestache tells us that they’re hoping to not hear the “C” word… As in “Cops”… Or “Cancelled.”
As Mutt, Bore, and Birdbrain wait at the house, they also wax retardingly, espousing bullshit bush wisdom. For example, Mutt says he feels helpless because, “Where we come from, when there’s a problem you can do something about it. Here it’s just like an alien world.” Really? All that time you spent over the last three years in various rehab’s, San Diego, Hawaii, Las Vegas, and New York but living outside the bush now is somehow scary and ‘alien’?
When they return, they all follow her into the bedroom and she lies down. BullshitBilly tells the chuds that she has either stage 3 or 4 cancer depending on the results of further test. We don’t actually hear this from a doctor, just take BullshitBilly’s word for it.
I love it how ParkSlop props up Scami in bed holding a rose so as to get the gullible fans all worked up with emotions and readying their checkbooks to make donations to the season finale telethon.
Have no fear, NoDuh is continuing work on Browntown. The narrator tells us that since the ‘successful’ installation of the wind turbine (Jesus Christ…) he has been busy wiring up the filming location with electricity! He is using the old smoker as the control room. Once again we see a Brownklown failed idea left abandoned to litter the land. At least this phony smoke house will now become a phony power station hub. Why do I say the smokehouse was failed bullshit? The inside looks brand new! No sign of smoke anywhere…EVER! Thanks to ToNo for pointing that out in the comments below
When NoDuh was hooking up the equipment that was supposedly connected to the wind turbine to manage the power to Browntown, he steps out and then a generator motor starts up and blows smoke in his face! I thought the all successful turbine (with no generating mechanism attached) was supplying the power not a gas generator? ParkSlop isn’t even trying to cover up the bullshit anymore.
He worries that since he’s not with the rest of the chuds, who is fixing things for them? I’m guessing someone competent?
Back in Kaliforny, BullshitBilly, Scami, and his Rolex have to make a tough decision… Whether or not to leave Browntown and the bush. Are you kidding me? They have no problem leaving there and spending 11 months out of the year in the lower 48.
Scami and BullshitBilly talk about closing Browntown and spending that one month a year they spend there somewhere… Like Colorado to see her Pillsbury Dough Boy chud get married to The Night Stalker.
They gather around the chuds and announce that the show is going to be cancelled. They are unable to keep up the charade of their bullshit lifestyle because Scami’s illness will bring too much attention to the fact they no longer live there. Plus, having to “give up their dream” plays right into their victimology mindset, laying the groundwork for future ‘woe-is-me’ moments for gullible fans to fawn over their bullshit.
In the next scene, the narrator tells us that NoDuh received a UHF communication (from the Hoonah Extended Stay) saying that Mutt is coming out to see him… Right after the bar closes.
Wait. He can get UHF messages about his brother coming out but can’t seem to get a peep from the ‘locals’ with news on Scami? Sometimes it’s fun to sit back and watch the show step all over it’s own bullshit.
Mutt tells NoDuh the news. He looks confused. Mutt tells him the rest of Brownklownz are coming out in a week to clean out the filming location and leave it looking like a war-zone like I imagine they’ve left all their previously squatted properties.
Back to Kaliforny. BirdBrain plays with peacocks and feeds them in the street. Maybe it’s prepping her for becoming an old bag lady in the park.
Back at Browntown, NoDuh cleans out his tent. They didn’t show what he did with Kristy’s head in a jar.
He reminisces about past failed experiments and useless junk he wasted time creating over the years.
Get this… Somewhere in his stack of “failed miserably” shit, he pulls out a helmet and a vest with LED’s on it and hands it to Mutt. He tries to convince us he invented a game called “Triumph-AAahhhhhhh” a while back and wanted to know if Mutt would join him in a game. So how come we never saw this bullshit before? That vest looks pretty professionally done for something a dullwitted, uneducated chud to put together. But, let’s just go along with the fantasy so the fans don’t get all butthurt.
NoDuh’s costume is so tight he’s muffin-topping out of the thing like a stuffed sausage.
They proceed to face each other and throw discs a each other. What a wildly imaginative and complex game! Thank God we have genius’s like NoDuh in the world to invent these thought provoking and skillful games that will really challenge children’s minds and teach them strategic thinking skills! Fuck you guy who invented chess… There’s a new game master in town, and he’s wearing spurs!
They proceed to dance around tossing rings at each other. NoDuh spins like he’s some highly trained and skilled foam disc throwing Ninja. After all, he trained under Kung-Foo master Bruce Lee…bowitz. This goes on much longer than needed.
After the break, we’re treated to more Brownklown buffoonery. Now Mutt and NoDuh are throwing knives… unfortunately not at each other.
Mutt lays the groundwork for the next bit of bullshit for the show. He tells NoDuh that he has been playing around late at night with firecrackers. FIRECRACKERS! Not some mysterious black powder or a seal bomb kept in the fridge.
Back in Kaliforny… Oh look! It’s Bum! You mean Allison (former ParkSlop shitslinger) let him out of her sight for more than five minutes? I guess they had a break in the feminist rally schedule to come see his poor mom. Good Lord he looks like a filthy greasy hippy.
Back at the filming location, NoDuh and Mutt take the skiff out to get some crab. Magically, the family that couldn’t catch shit over the last three seasons suddenly has pots full of crab.
In the short segment, Bore really beats the shit out of someone his own size… a garbage bag stuffed with leaves. He seems to have a lot of pent up anger.
In the final segment, we see more flashback garbage. Bum has a talk with BirdBrain on the patio. If you listen carefully you can hear Allison blowing the car horn in the background signalling him to hurry up and get back next to HER!
Back in Browntown, NoDuh packs his shit and heads off to see mommy. What is The Night Stalker going to do at the Hoonah Extended Stay without you? They howl like idiots as they say goodbye.
Oh, and AcidRain is still dressing like an 80’s garage sale… Except in the interview scenes.
Oh boy! Here comes the part where we see previews of Mutt blowing himself up. Remember. It was FIREWORKS ;)… OK?
More previews show BullshitBilly looking all sad because living in the bush is all HE knows how to do (bullshit) and how is HE going to manage not being there. What about your wife you self-absorbed manatee? Nope, it’s all about how BullshitBilly is going to cope having to live TWELVE months out of the year in the lower 48 instead of only 10 or 11.
Let’s take a look at some things that have happened AFTER this shit was recorded…
- NoDuh and The Night Stalker got married in Colorado with family (and film crew) in tow.
- Mutt is fine after several photos of him with fans appeared online showing he’s just as short as ever.
- Bum is still taking brooding black and white photos hoping SOMEONE will buy them so he can support Allison.
Come back next week for more bullshit from televisions number one shit-show, Alaskan Bullshit People.