Russia Blamed For Hacking The Oscars
Hollywood’s brightest minds gathered and selected actor’s that had previously made money pretending to be cops, federal agents, and private investigators to get to the bottom of the Oscar’s biggest goof (next to giving Comrade Michael Moore an Oscar for Blowing For Columbine).
After deliberating via cell phone from each of their limousine’s, the group decided that it was long time liberal scapegoat Russia that was responsible for turning their self-indulgent love-fest into the laughing stock of Sunday night television.
“After all,” said professional pretend secret agent Matt Damon, “They hacked the election, therefore all indications are that Russia wanted the Oscars to fail in response to us mocking the presi… Ooh look, a butterfly!”
The Hollywood braintrust has assigned Inspector Clouseau and Detective Frank Drebben to the case. Despite being told by many normal people that both of those characters weren’t real and the actors that played them were in fact dead, the Lear-jet Liberals continued to support their decision for a special Hollywood counsel.
Meryl Streep, fresh off her performance of staying within the lines of a lengthy Thomas The Tank Engine coloring book, said she will do all she can to get to the bottom of the scandal. “We don’t need Russia’s help embarrassing ourselves, we do that just fine on our own,” she said, citing the shitfest offered as ‘Best Picture’ contenders in the last decade. “If Russia is involved in hacking the Oscars, this could mean impeachment of the president! I like muffins.”