Retro Planet 70's

ABP Episode Recap – S04:E05 Surviving The Lower 48

Alaskan Bush People - Bear leaves the bushIt’s finally here! The fish-out-of-water episode we predicted back when the Brownklownz were spotted at the bush Tilted Kilt in San Diego. The narrator tells us it’s a ‘lost’ episode. Unfortunately, they found it.

BullshitBilly has to go to the bush in Seattle to have tests done to determine what is causing his work-avoidance coma’s. ExtremeBore laments the fact that he doesn’t know if he can live anywhere else except Browntown… Well, maybe the Icy Straight Lodge in Hoonah or in Ketchikan or in Seattle or in…

Alaskan bush people - Noah's spiderDuhVinciNoah says goodbye to his favorite spider, Sergei. Too bad Sergei’s dead since the idiot kept it in a jar with what appears to be an air-tight lid. The spider doesn’t move as he tilts the vial to coax it out.

So, it’s off to Seattle so BullshitBilly can take doctors’ time away from real patients and try and figure out why he happens to injure himself or slip into a coma whenever there’s work to be done. When they arrive, The Brownklown Boyz ham it up for the camera as they try and convince us that all of them sleep in one room… Something every hotel allows 😉

s04e05-4BullshitBilly and SpotlessAmi have their own room (of course). They apparently need a large room to store the numerous pills that BullshitBilly must ingest on a daily basis. I shudder to think the private room is for ‘other’ functions. If it is then all those pills must be Viagra because I imagine you need a few vials to get past the fact that after 7 kids SpotlessAmi’s vajeen probably hangs down like a wizard’s sleeve.

Wolverine and Mutt walk the streets a-la Midnight Cowboy and try and figure out these strange big city noises like cars and fire trucks. Y’know… cuz they’ve never heard them before… Except when driving their own vehicles or when BullshitBilly needs medical attention (again) and despite being inside and outside several hospitals over the last few years. But hey! Stop that! These are confused and bewildered bush people who have never been to the big city alright… ALRIGHT! Good, let’s move on.

Alaskan Bush People on airplaneExtremeBore complains that there’s no place to run except on a treadmill. Wolverine and AcidRain put on a show trying to convey that to them the ‘tap water’ commoners drink tastes nothing like the bush water they’re used to. And by bush water I mean bottled water provided by the craft services table.

For some reason these ‘tests’ are going to take a couple of months. Despite needing medical attention every other episode, BullshitBilly tries to convince us that his simple bush heart just despises and hates going to the doctor… Except when he needs them… all the time…

Alaskan Bush People road tripBullshitBilly and SpotlessAmi take a walk on a dock in Seattle to find the location of the boat they originally left on shortly after they were married… When she was 15… And he was 26. He tells her that despite having seizures, he wants to drive them all cross country to Kaliforny!

Wouldn’t you know it! Out of nowhere BullshitBilly gets an RV! Let’s hope the owner doesn’t find out. The RV is 30 years old. BullshitBilly drives it into the motel parking lot and alerts the Brownklownz that they’re ready to go. BullshitBilly, who is undergoing intensive ‘tests’ to determine the cause of his seizures, drives the family down the road.

alaskan bush people rvThe kidz stare in wonder at the large concrete structures and traffic jams that surround them as they make their way south. Not far down the road… oh-No’s! The Brownklownz are once again cursed with misfortune and bad luck. The RV that BullshitBilly magically owns springs a radiator leak.

Not to worry. ParkSlop is following behind filming every life-threatening moment! BirdBrain is amazed at the big city tow truck that takes the RV to a junk yard. Why was it towed there? Why not to a repair facility? Oh yeah, that wasn’t in the script. It specifically called for the RV to be towed to a kindhearted junkyard owner that just happens to have another RV they can ‘use’ in exchange for nothing. More on that later.

The next morning, the Brownklownz find out that the motor in the RV also has seizures. Woe-is-me. But wait, the owner says he has a motor home he doesn’t use and will let a grifting, incompetent buffoon ‘borrow’ it in exchange for his slurred-speech chuds doing a few hours worth of work using equipment they’ve never operated before.

alaskan bush people bear punches fishI’m sure you can all relate to this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been offered RV’s to use free of charge in exchange for a few hours of work on equipment I have no knowledge of. Wait… I CAN tell you how many times… ZERO!

ExtremeBore finds a machine that is much better at punching fish than his little carnie hands. With their couple of hours of work done, the Brownklownz take off in their new RV ‘on loan’ from a friendly, trusting, soon to be screwed over junkyard owner.

Instead of taking the kidz to popular Southern California attractions like Disneyland or Universal Studios, BullshitBilly decides he needs to send his kids on a range hunt so they can provide food for him while he sits back in the RV having seizures.

s04e05-7I’m not going to rag on the inconsistencies of the hunt. Let’s just jump ahead to the kidz having once again returned with food for dear ol’ dad. After eating and talking about how great the bush is, they continue down the road stopping briefly to allow ExtremeBore to play with a rattlesnake.

I guess the wild bore didn’t satisfy their taste for bush food since they also stopped to eat at a bush Tilted kilt.

In the short segment, the Brownklownz face a traffic jam. Wolverine asks, “How long does traffic last?” Good Lord.

s04e05-10Mutt takes over the driving duties, and apparently George Lucas took over the shot selection as the camera placement resembles a familiar movie setting.

Finally, the Brownklownz arrive in San Diego. They are amazed at the beach. Like typical white trash, they jump into the ocean in their jeans and t-shirts. DuhVinciNoah practices his dumb Tai-Cheesey on the beach in full view of normal people, hoping it will lead to a lucrative career selling muscle building products in comic books.

But, BullshitBilly has to get back to Seattle to appear in court… Sorry, for medical tests. In a preview of what happens the rest of the season, the Brownklownz are once again shot at by neighbors. I’m sure just like the incident a couple of years ago it’s just fireworks or ADR’d effects made to elicit a sense of danger.

Stay tuned next week for another bullshit packed episode of Alaskan Bullshit People!s04e05-11

NOTE: Episode Recaps are meant as parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment purposes only. Statements and claims in these posts are not necessarily considered facts or real information.

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One Response to ABP Episode Recap – S04:E05 Surviving The Lower 48

  1. Melissa Cavarra says:

    All of the seizure references are killing me.
    One of your best reviews about this shit show so far.
    Srsly..laughing so hard i cant breathe..
    Could it be a seizure??

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