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ABP Episode Recap S04:E07 Shots In The Dark

Another week and another steamy pile of Alaskan Bullshit People has once again wasted valuable ions transmitting horrible television to unsuspecting viewers. Let’s celebrate the pedestrian accomplishments of these challenged grifters in this week’s episode recap!

Alaskan bush People - Matt builds a rafttitanic2In the opening scene, Wolverine helps Mutt construct a sad looking makeshift raft made from an inflatable mattress and a weed whacker. He will soon be the envy of every wannabe Cuban refugee. The purpose for the boat is not disclosed but, just like the Cubans, he is trying to escape a corrupt regime where you are expected to work for those in charge and live a life of poverty and subservience… in other words his parents!

Next, DuhVinciNoah explains that he is running out of resources for his numerous, groundbreaking experiments. So, he heads to the bush K-Mart, otherwise known as Skaflestad’s Hoonah dump. He pulls apart numerous electronic gadgets, of which he has no clue how they work, operate, or their intended use.

He finds a security camera and a housing box… in the junkyard. He’s going to use it to build night vision goggles! I shit you not, cuz, y’know, everyone throws away working night vision cameras. Especially in Alaska where those types of items are hard to find in remote areas like Hoonah. But, instead of going to Amazon or Walmart and spending $10 on a pair of functioning, practical night vision googles, he decides to waste tie and get out of other work by ‘pretending’ to invent useless bullshit that you never see again in any future episode. By the looks of it it’s an older version of a Teli XC-73CE Camera, which as far as I know is NOT a night vision camera.

Mutt goes into town and gets a hauling job from an unsuspecting, soon to be victimized ‘customer’. He tells them he needs some bumpers, which are just large tires tied together, brought from a nearby island back to Hoonah. He tells Mutt he needs them by tomorrow. This is important because Mutt seems to forget the customer’s needs and decides to put his efforts elsewhere… THEN get back to hauling this guys tire bumpers when it’s convenient for him.

Alaskan Bush PeopleDull-witted Trapperkeeper raises his boat out of the water and has Bum and Wolverine scrape the barnacles and repair the numerous holes that surround the SS Tetanus. Trapperkeeper’s boat has more holes than the Brownklownz’ backstory! The boyz admire the number of leaks and have more respect for Trapperkeeper since he’s dumb enough to take a barely floating boat out into the ocean.

The SS Grifter arrives back at the filming location. While some of the family focuses on chores to upgrade Browntown, Mutt decides to try again making his refugee raft. This time, he aborts the weed-whacker idea and instead installs a weak sail. Wolverine helps out and then looks eerily lovingly at poor Mutt as he makes his way a couple dozen yards. I can’t tell if Wolverine is looking at his brother because he’s proud of his raft, or because he wants to be rescued along with him? Mutt can’t figure out how to turn around and get back. He will be missed.

Alaskan Bush People - gunshots But wait.. Oh-No’s! After BullshitBilly goes to bed (for the 8th time that day), the Brownklownz are rudely awakened by a gunshot. I can’t believe ParkSlop’s luck that night… They just happened to be filming a wide-shot of Browntown at night at that EXACT time AND have their mic’s on when the shot rang out, allowing us to see the electric lights of Browntown come on one by one as the startled Brownklownz awake from their slumber! What are the odds?

BullshitBilly sends his chuds out with flares. Why would you use a flare? It just illuminates you… the target! But hey, they know the bush better than… well, no one. they go back inside since it was probably just a sound effect ADR’d by ParkSlop to elicit a false sense of emergency.

s4e8-4s4e8-5The next day, ExtremeBore and Bum check for holes in the SS Grifter. It appears OK but when they check the anchor buoy, they find holes. Instead of looking inside the buoy to see if it was actually bullets that caused the holes, they just assume that’s what it was and go back to shore.

BullshitBilly gathers the family and tells them that they must do something. DuhVinciNoah decides to put an alarm on the SS Grifter. ExtremeBore is assigned the task of running around the island like an idiot with a loaded rifle. He explains his heightened sense of bullshit when it comes to tracking down bad guys. It’s basic common sense but he sells it like it’s some deeply held bush secret.

s4e8-6Mutt, Acidrain, Wolverine, and BirdBrain head out to get the tire bumpers off the shore. On the way they talk about how nice things are without Bum. Poor Bum.

They find the bumpers and spend ten minutes of screen time going into excruciating detail on how these klownz get the tires off the beach and nearly kill themselves. Acidrain almost ruins her iWatch pushing and moving these tires.

While the responsible ones are actually doing work, back at the filming location BullshitBilly stops by to once again stroke the already inflated ego of a barely functioning simpleton. DuhVinciNoah informs him he made a night vision helmet.

The Alan Einstein of our time tells us it’s a really ambitious project to build night vision goggles. Well, not really when there’s been an apparent parts swap from when you came from the dump. Suddenly his ‘invention’ is equipment with a small LCD screen mounted on the inside right up against your eyeballs. Where did that come from? It wasn’t one of his dump items. Plus, where’s the power supply for the camera? They require about 12 volts and need a pretty hefty source for that power.

s4e8-8Back to the ones actually working. Another ten minutes is wasted showing them moving the rest of the tire buoys to the shore and then attaching them to the SS Grifter.

Now for the sentimental moment of the show. Back at the filming location, Bum builds a swing so the family can remember him when he’s away for 30 days in bush jail. Have no fear, they got some sympathy from a gullible judge and got monitored probation. Once again the narrator tells us that they are totally innocent but took the plea to avoid having all the others in prison. I think Bum took the plea instead of Mutt because he already has a strike or two against him s4e8-7(DUI) and Bum doesn’t have any… Until now.

Once they deliver the load, they return to the filming location. DuhVinciNoah begins installing his useless, ineffective alarm system on the SS Grifter. He attaches a motion sensor to a record player that will turn on when triggered. He has it play an opera record so he can expose more people to opera… From the bush. It fails miserably because all you have to do to disarm it is lift the needle off the record. Once again, time well spent there, dummy.

In the short segment, Wolverine and Bum tend to the anchor line and reattach the fixed buoy.

s4e8-9Next ExtremeBore shows BullshitBilly his zip-line, which he says is great for security. He claims Batman doesn’t have anything on him. His superior extremeness allows him to perform basic feats of strength like pulling himself back up the slight incline to get back to his treehouse.

Next, Mutt finds Bum and tells him he’s grateful he’s going to prison instead of him. It seems somewhat sincere but for God’s sake it’s 30 days of monitored parole! It’s not like he’s going to get his salad tossed… At least not by prison inmates.

s4e8-10In the preview for the next episode, the Brownklownz go hunting, DuhVinciNoah decides to build a washing machine to go along with the clothes incinerator he built a couple of seasons ago, and Bum and BullshitBilly go off to their slap-on-the-wrist white-collar prison… except not in prison.

That’s it for this week’s episode recap. Join again for more bullshit fun!

NOTE: Episode Recaps are meant as parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment purposes only. Statements and claims in these posts are not necessarily considered facts or real information.

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One Response to ABP Episode Recap S04:E07 Shots In The Dark

  1. Big Dan says:

    Pack of candy assed posers. They did their so called time
    in Juneau in April. Good choice pork slop, waiting until
    June to air a show about shit that happened two months
    ago.

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