ABP Episode Recap S04:E11 – Browns Down South

Alaskan Bush People - Ami makes jelly and jam

Alaskan Bush People - Ami makes jelly and jamOh joy of joys! As predicted, ParkSlop grabbed cutting room floor material, glued it together, and shat out another “fish-out-of-water” episode of Alaskan Bullshit People. And it did NOT disappoint.

Let’s dive right in and see how long it takes to spot the first line of bullsh… And there it is. SpotlessAmi claims that while driving BullshitBilly to one of his appointments the smell was unbearable… And so was the pollution. Living in cramped quarters with a room full of Brownklownz ISN’T the worst smell you’ve encountered? How about the smell of bullshit? Well, they’re probably used to that.

Mutt and DuhVinciNoah go into a store to ask about getting some water. Mutt acts like he’s terribly confused and bewildered about the concept of ‘buying’ and ‘purchasing’ something and having to ‘pay’ for it. ParkSlop must have cut out the part where Mutt has no trouble buying alcohol or cell phones, but buying a simple item at a convenience store confuses the poor bush-living bastard.

SpotlessAmi tells us that she is confused by something she’s never seen before… A strip mall! She says that, s4e11-1There was one thing that surprised us and we heard about it for years and years. You go and there’s what you call a ‘Strip Mall’.” Really? All your time in Texas, Seattle, Juneau, San Diego, Hawaii, and you’ve never seen a strip mall? You gotta be shittin’ me! That year you and BullshitBilly packed up your slurred speech chuds and toured the lower 48 hocking his book “One Scam At A Time” and you NEVER saw a strip mall? I suppose you were also scared and confused by having to sit in the belly of a big metal bird that flew you all over the map.

s4e11-3It bears repeating. If you truly believe that strip malls are something new for her and that she is surprised and amazed by them, please go to WalMart, buy a Louisville Slugger, and pay someone $20 to beat some sense into you because you are a f@%$ing moron.

Next they talk about food. They try and convince us that all the food they eat comes from the game they hunt. JesusHChristOnTheCross. I guess they forgot to include all the food they get in Hoonah, or Hawaii, or at the Tilted Kilt. Unbelievable.

It’s Wolverine’s turn to get dinner, and he is confused because he does not know how to order food in the lower 48. he and Mutt find a vending machine that dispenses food and drink. This totally confuses these people because remember, these are people that have lived isolated in the bush for the last 30 years and were recently discovered by Discoverup Channel.

s4e11-4Unable to operate these big city vending machines, the two head out into town in search of food. They go to a convenience store and get donuts. The simpleton’s return and present their bounty. AcidRain is surprised at what the big city has to offer. I wonder if she had to have Siri help her figure out what these ‘donuts’ were?

s4e11-5Next we see another in a long line of bush-bullshit where ParkSlop tries to convince us that these grifting idiots make things for themselves. In this episode, SpotlessAmi decides to make jelly. She uses bush jars and creates a runny, disgusting looking bile that nobody in their right mind would ever consume, no matter how hungry.

s4e11-6Next, they are all SOOO amazed at the technology they encountered in Juneau. The narrator laughably tries to convince us that the family, “… OCCASSIONALLY uses telephones when they travel to the town of Hoonah.” It’s things like this that just make you want to beat the shit out of your TV for transmitting this into your eyes and ears. News flash for all the Kool-Aid drinking fans of this shitshow… They all have cell phones!

Continuing on, the Brownklownz are also amazed at massage chairs, motorized skateboards, and televisions as big as a wall.

s4e11-7Next, ExtremeBore tries to tell us that he prefers washing his clothes in the creek… unless they’re in Hoonah, or Seattle, or Hawaii, in which case he prefers room service do it. But, they gotta play the whole fish-out-of-water bullshit and try and show us how a simple bush person like ExtremeBore gets confused using new and improved washing machines and detergent.

He fucks it up and everything turns out pink. Sorry… EXTREME pink.

After the break, the Brownklownz talk about how fast everything is in the big city, compared to the bush where things move slow. In the case of BullshitBilly, VERY SLOW. Sometimes not at all. I’ve said for years that the Brownklownz are slow. It’s nice they finally admit it.

Next, Lyft paid a LOT of money to have the Brownklownz destroy the good name of Uber. They didn’t really say anything despairaging about Uber, but just the fact the Brownklownz mentioned it means a big percentage of their users suddenly switched to Lyft.

Once again, it seems you can’t go more than 2 episodes without a Brownklown needing medical attention from the big city. If they had to actually live in the bush, natural selection would take over and they’d all be dead within a few months.

s4e11-9Mutt needs to go back into town to drink… Sorry I mean have a dog bite looked at. Once again, one of them had to be emergency evacuated to Juneau for medicine, which they claim they despise yet seem to rely on a dozen times a year. DuhVinciNoah escorts him to Juneau so he can pick up supplies at Hot-Topic.

After the break, we get some previously seen footage of their RV breaking down. The Brownklownz stay at a dump that is owned by the tow truck driver. ExtremeBore had to ‘buy’ firewood. Since their contract calls for a Skaflestad to be in every other episode, we see flashback footage of mutt’s dump buddy, Kenny.

Next, they look around the dump. No, not Browntown, an actual dump ion the lower 48. DuhVinciNoah tells us that unlike the lower 48, people in Alaska use things, “…to death-ahhhh.” Again, the ‘ahhhh’ at the end is for real. All genius’s do that so people know they are smart-ahhhhh.

s4e11-10Next, Wolverine hides in a refrigerator and pretends he’s what’s on TV. Among his persona’s, a newscaster alerting us to ground-breaking news.

While traveling down to San Diego, the Brownklownz come across Coyote’s Flying Saucer Retrievals And Repair Service. It turns out Coyote is about as shitsall-crazy as SpotlessAmi.

They decide to let Mutt take a ride in a UFO. It has some unforeseen circumstances and brings back memories of another flying saucer event that happened in the desert.

roswellAfter the break, Mutt passes out in the bathtub. despite his dull-witted siblings turning water on him, he barely moves.

s4e11-13Next we get dating advice from a 24 year old virgin whose best success was dating some poor girl ParkSlop hired for 2 episodes and got nowhere. Despite showing off his awesome Tai-Cheesey skillz, she still wasn’t interested and decided to go back to the lower 48 and go to college. What a loser. Think of the life she missed out on!

DuhVinciNoah tells his brothers that the best way to pick up a girl is to compliment her then immediately follow that up with a slightly veiled insult. For example, tell her that her eyes are mutated.

In newly shat out footage, DuhVinciNoah goes into town and makes long distance phone calls from their favorite pizza place. The dumb sod can’t figure out that the reason he keeps losing the connection isn’t because of remote phone systems, it’s because she keeps hanging up on him.

Alaskan Bush People - Noah gives advice on picking up womenMutt finds a date and takes her to the dump. No, not Browntown, an actual dump! He takes her inside a windowless van and lights a fire. She was delicious and will never be heard or seen again.

In the short segment, BirdBrain and AcidRain find a pigeon. They name it ‘Purple’ and let it go, not before kissing it on the head. So, she can’t stand the taste of tap water but she can kiss a disease riddled pigeon and not get sick?

Next, ExtremeBore and Bum decide to get tattoos. ExtremeBore claims he wants a tattoo that represents his way of life… ‘Extreme’. I think he meant ‘Extreme…ly Pathetic’ but he couldn’t afford that many letters.

s4e11-12The two go into a shop and describe what they want. Bum wants the word ‘Gypsy’. ExtremeBore wants to get the word ‘Extreme’ on his back so that when he’s running away from people, they can see how extreme he is. He should have got a tattoo that said ‘Pussy‘ if you want people to see it as your fleeing them in fear.

With their adventure over and BullshitBilly never finding a cause for his work avoidance seizures, they head back to the filming location. They tell us more bullshit about how they missed the bush and couldn’t wait to get home.

Before we close out this season, I want to point out something interesting in the end credits. First, notice that there is a “Construction Team.” Why? ParkSlop tells us every 5 minutes that this lovable band of grifting buffoons builds everything themselves (except when a Ketchikan construction company builds their cabin). Why do they need a 5 person construction team? Oh that’s right… To build everything for them except the last couple of nails so to gullible viewers it looks like the Brownklownz actually build something.

s4e11-14Also notice the disturbing number of Skaflestad’s on the payroll. And what’s with the “Boat Captain”? I thought BullshitBilly was such a seasoned veteran of the high seas? It’s almost like none of them exhibit any competency when it comes to operating a boat that ParkSlop needs to hire a boat captain. Can it be this show is full of bullshit? YES!

NOTE: Episode Recaps are meant as parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment purposes only. Statements and claims in these posts are not necessarily considered facts or real information.

8 thoughts on “ABP Episode Recap S04:E11 – Browns Down South

  1. Don’t take this as a defense of Scragglestache, but there does exist a possibility that the boat captain is for moving the ParkSlop crew around.

    Of course, there’s a possibility that I’ll be the sole winner of the PowerBall lottery

  2. These recaps are so awesome. I look forward to every one. It’s like an episode hasn’t ended until I get to read the Railingkill recap. They give you so much good material! Love it. Thanks!

    1. Thanks Mick I appreciate that. There’s one last ‘behind the scenes’ episode tonight with a recap early next week… Stupid work keeps getting in the way 🙂

  3. Could it be that Coast Guard regulations require a licensed captain on board when Billy the Scammer is pretending to be piloting the boat?

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