Alaskan Bush People Episode Recap S06:E03 Browntown Boom

Alaskan Bush People Matt builds a still

In the opening segment we see ExtremeBore trying to catch a chicken that he and AcidRain let out of the pen. Isn’t DuhVinciNoah living in the henhouse? I’m sure him and Rhain Carrot-Top Alicia will have a wonderful home amongst the chicken shit.

Next, we see ExtremeBore again. He decides to cover the benches in a non-porous material because he’s tired of seeing the family sit on the flat, wet logs. So, he wants to solve the problem of watery seats by putting something on them that doesn’t absorb water? GENIUS! He hopes his mommy won’t find out that he used her kitchen knife to cut them. She won’t notice. She doesn’t cook anything at the filming location so go ahead and use the knife.

Oh boy, here’s BullshitBilly again lecturing us again about how great he wants to make Browntown and be self sufficient and blah blah blah. The narrator tells us that they need some thing that will take them even further off the grid. They need a wind turbine, because gassing up generators for the 2-3 weeks they spend at the filming location is really cutting into the production company budget!

BullshitBilly tells us that getting fuel for their generators during the winter is downright dangerous! Good thing you morons aren’t anywhere near the filming location during the winter, huh?

So where does BullshitBilly go to get his idea off the ground? DuhVinciNoah! Well, this is sure to fail miserably and litter the landscape with more abandoned project junk.

So, the narrator tells us that many homesteaders use this method and with the immense shoreline, it’s a practical choice for the Brownklownz.

DuhVinciNoah and BullshitBilly sketch something illegible then proceed to build it out of bush-chopsticks. I don’t think DuhVinciNoah realized right away that it was not to scale.

BullshitBilly says it will be a lot of work. He immediately begins plotting his next work avoidance injury.

With chuds in tow, the Brownklownz scour the beach for a camera-friendly location to place their bullshit wind turbine. The narrator tells us that this part of the island is known as “The Blow Hole.” That’s the first true statement made on this show!

Despite this being one of the breeziest places on the island, there’s no wind to be found at all. BullshitBilly’s shit-stache and Bum’s shitlocks do not move at all, indicating this is a terrible location for a wind turbine but has good lighting for the show.

Here comes Wolverine to tell us that the wind turbine is something that they have been talking about for years! Really? You mean those years on the boat? Or in Seattle? When and where was this idea ever discussed prior to getting the script from ParkSlop?

BullshitBilly tells them that if they are successful, the turbine should produce about “5-6k.” Five to six ‘k’ of what? Watts? Well, at 120 volts that means about… 40-50 amps. He claims that will run Browntown. Well, yeah if you figure you don’t live there, then there should be plenty of electricity.

Back in Hoonah, Mutt and Bum visit the dump. There hasn’t been a Skaflested on camera for quite a while so they were due. Mutt finds a fire extinguisher which he drains by spelling his name on the ground. Good thing there wasn’t a fire around.

Mutt finds a bunch of stuff that he wants to make a sawmill out of, except in Alaska he says it’s known as an “Alaskan Saw Mill.” Good thing the Brownklownz are here to explain this stuff to us bush-novices.

Bum exclaims that building a saw mill… Sorry ALASKAN saw mill,  might be kind of far fetched. Mutt replies that people said the same thing to Edison, the Wright Brothers, and Paul Newman. Am I missing a reference here? I’m not totally convinced he’s off the liquor yet.

Since Bum Met Allison, he seems to have become quite the pussy. This was confirmed when he attended the Broad’s march in Los Angeles after Trump was sworn in. Didn’t take him long to become bush-whipped!

Back at the filming location, DuhVinciNoah is writing his love interest, Rhain Alicia… Also known as Merrill. Let’s point out something really sad. I know we give this dullard shit for being a moron but judging by his handwriting he really does seem to have some developmental issues. If I stuck a pencil up my dog’s ass and fed him hot sauce to make him drag his ass across the carpet, he’d still produce a more legible tome than this.

He explains that her name is Rhain, just like his sister. “It’s spelled differently, of course,” he states. Oh, of course it is, how silly of me. I wonder if his Rhain has a long, distinctive name like Merry Hanukah Who Cares Jingleheimer Schmidt.

It wouldn’t be a DuhVinciNoah segment without some smarmy, douchebag, self-absorbed comment. He ends with, “Browntown is a canvas… And I’m one of the painters.” Jesus Christ.

Wolverine and BullshitBilly then head out to the forest to look for three trees to use for the legs. He claims that he wants to get back to work since he’s missed a lot of work lately. No shit.

After the break, we see the Brownklownz digging a hole for the first post. Uh-oh’s! What’s this? a rock in the middle of the hole? What ever will they do? BullshitBilly explains that they can’t move the hole because this is an optimum place for wind… Despite the fact there is no wind at all. ExtremeBore says he can just blow it up.

Next, ExtremeBore and DuhVinciNoah try and fix a power outage. They go to the phone booth electric cabinet and don’t fix anything, but it gives them the opportunity to talk more about his beard. He says that certain members of his family have the tendancy to scare people away, but she’s comfortable with a Hot-Topic wearing, self-absorbed, unemployed, nearly homeless, uneducated moron.

Cut to Mutt and BullshitBilly. Mutt tells dear ol’ dad that he brought back useless garbage to litter this once pristine landscape and he want to build a saw mill. SORRY, sorry… An Alaskan Saw mill!

Back to ExtremeBore who is making the explosive to get rid of the useless lump of dead weight at the bottom of their post-hole. No, not BullshitBilly, an actual rock. This segment is complete and total bullshit.

First, he’s building his ‘bomb’ with gunpowder and bullets and det-cord right near an open fire! Sure, that happened. He then explains how he will use a bullet’s priming cap to ignite it… with det-cord?!?! Non of his formulations or combinations make sense, or work in the real world! It’s like ParkSlop just wrote a bunch of nonsensical explosive related keywords and had him repeat them hoping the fans of this shitshow won’t notice.

After the break, the Brownklownz are ready for the qualified crew that ParkSlop hired to set the explosives in a safe, responsible manner. Again, I feel sorry for anyone that takes anything shown on this show as fact. Someone is going to die listening to this bullshit.

Back to Mutt and Bum. He’s building his saw mill… Sorry, ALASKAN saw mill! I’m sure there’s something else he will end up building with his junkyard treasures.

Mutt gets the dirtbike started and runs around like an idiot yelling his familiar, “Ha ha HA HA HA ha ha HA ha HA.”

Cue the tender music as we cut to see DuhVinciNoah and the unluckiest girl on the planet, Rhain Alicia. They walk around the beach of the filming location. It’s actually funny because she starts to correct his ridiculous speech impedement. He pronounces a word ‘Sim-you-ler’ to which she corrects him. Too bad she can’t teach him to remove that douch-ey ‘Ahhhhhhhhhh’ at the end of his sentences-ahhhhhhhhh.

She tells the tale of how they met. ParkSlop must have left off the part that included ether and a windowless van. She claims when she first saw him, he scared her! Yet, she wants to be with him.

DuhVinciNoah explains that he loves her because she doesn’t want fancy things like a stable househould or a husband that can provide for her. He claims she’ll be happy in a tent, with some woods, and a creek. Wow, what a catch! I’m sure she’s always dreamt of a penniless grifter with no job, no education, and no future. Well, I guess Scami was into those kind of guys too, but then again you’re judgment’s a little off when it comes to finding a mate and you’re only 15.

They ham it up on a sawboard. Rhain thinks he’s having an epileptic fit, but it’s just him practicing his bullshit Tai-Cheesey. He tries to teach her, which mainly consists of him contorting his bulbous androgyny into odd positions. He must have went to the Elaine Benes School of Tai Cheesy.

Back to Mutt. He’s still trying to get his saw mill. SHIT! Sorry, ALASKAN saw mill working. Nothing to see here.

Back at the wind turbine filming spot, ExtremeBore plants the ‘bomb’ that ‘he’ made on top of the rock. The rest of the chuds hide behind a thin piece of plywood. ExtremeBore uses a rather expensive ignitor for a firecracker attached to some det cord. The explosion is unimpressive. It is very small and does not impress anyone, kinda like ExtremeBore.

We never see the rock at the bottom of the hole again. ExtremeBore claims it’s broken into a lot of small pieces, but none are pulled from the hole nor does the camera ever show any of the supposed chunks from this massive bush explosion.

Alaskan Bush People Matt builds a stillBack to Mutt and Bum. His still, I mean saw mi… ALASKAN saw mill isn’t working. Bum tells him to give up but he says he needs this in order to feel useful to the family. Wasn’t that what the deer last week was about?

Back to the other Brownklownz trying to raise the three pillars to hold their make-believe wind turbine that will never be used and quickly scuttled and left to litter the Alaskan landscape.

After the break, the short segment shows us AcidRain and BirdBrain trying to teach Mr. Cupcake to not be so aggressive. They compare the dog’s behaviour to that of their mentally deficient brother, ExtremeBore. In all actuality, the dog will be a hell of a lot less trouble to train than ExtremeBore.

Finally, the Brownklownz get the three post platform built for their bullshit wind system. Didn’t DuhVinciNoah invent the bike powered generator a couple of seasons ago? Proof once again that not one of his useless, stupid inventions is ever used.

Back to Mutt, he finally finishes his ALASKAN saw mill. It’s incredibly dangerous and will most certainly be destroyed after filming or made safe by the ParkSlop construction crew. He brings the rest of the Brownklownz to witness his soon-to-be decapitation. BullshitBilly explains that with a workable mill, you can barter for anything. Too bad they don’t have a workable mill, just this piece of shit Mutt threw together as plot-fodder for this episode.

He goes on and on again about Browntown and it’s independence and other bullshit. Thank God it’s over. Wait, it just hit me… How come Scami wasn’t in this episode? Surely she wasn’t off in the lower 48 or in town doing non-bush related things, right? Never fear, she makes a brief appearance in the preview for next week’s bullshit packed episode of Alaskan Bullshit People!

Let’s also be sure and say thanks to those responsible for making it look like these buffoons are remotely competent at anything shown on the show.

NOTE: Episode Recaps are meant as parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment purposes only. Statements and claims in these posts are not necessarily considered facts or real information.

7 thoughts on “Alaskan Bush People Episode Recap S06:E03 Browntown Boom

  1. Good recap, for the show about nothing, Beavis!
    Last night’s episode was even more dishonest than last week’s episode.
    But, sticking with this one, who throws away a new trail bike at the town dump? Shiny, new, good motor, good transmission, new tires – Alaskans are known for their careful preservation of resources. On Alaska the last frontier, (which is sinking into Didscovery Dishonesty) they salvaged a junked Subaru Brat, with no motor or transmission, fixed it up, and sent the boy off to college in it.
    As for a wind turbine, stuck up on a tree trunk, made out of scrap metal, it ain’t happeneing. The Tom Ridge Environmental Center in Erie, Pa, located near the shores of Lake Erie, had a professionally made and professionally erected wind turbine. It cost a ton of money.
    And one early morning recently, the turbine exploded, sending pieces of blades throughout the parking lot. Fortunately, it happened about 4 AM, and no one was around. (they are not replacing the wind turbine – too expensive)
    What Parkslop is doing, I suspect, is faking a windmill, and pretending that it produces electricity.

  2. This is comedic gold. These ‘Bush’ people are no more bush than this Alaskan is an Aussie. Solid work my friend, solid! G’day

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