Alaskan Bush People Episode Recap S06:E06 All Falls Down

Oh boy, another shit-tastic episode of Alaskan Bullshit People! I can’t wait to see what lethal weapon ExtremeBore aims at his face this week. I’m going to apologize in advance if this recap gets a little “Rated R for strong language.” I think it comes from watching two episodes three days apart.

I can’t fucking believe the bullshit that opens the show. Here we see Mutt and Wolverine stuffing bacon into shotgun shells! What? He claims they just want to scare the bears when they shoot at them. Why not just shoot in the air? Christ, the ek-shtreem stupidity of these incompetent assholes is unparalleled! Bacon in a fucking shotgun shell… Unfuckinbelievable.

Let’s hope the next segment is more sane, realistic, and… Nope not gonna happen. Right off the bat BullshitBilly espouses his massive amount of bush wisdom by telling us that he’s able to predict when winter is coming by the appearance of snow on the mountains! WOW! Move over Punxsutawney Phil, there’s a new prognosticator in town!

Cut to Scami. Uh-oh’s… Her garden is a complete failure. Did DuhVinciNoah build it? Everything’s dead, including her credibility as a gardener.

BullshitBilly whines and moans about the harsh winter and how it reminded him of the winter of ’95 when they had to burn siding off the ‘house’ to keep warm (or some bullshit like that). Read Georgie’s book review of One Scam At A Time for more info.

ExtremeBore tells us how he starts fires every morning. He shows why he is the envy of every six-year old that watches the show by rolling on the ground while running. Why is this necessary? He then pulls a Fonzi and jumps the campfire. I’m sure it took multiple tries for him to lift his 5-foot tall body and KISS boots over an open flame without incident.

BullshitBilly then lectures about how there are no grocery stores in the bush, which is probably why they don’t live there! At this point, do they really believe they are fooling anyone anymore with their bullshit about living and surviving winter in the bush?

Next, BullshitBilly lumbers his bulbous ass over to Mutt and Wolverine. They talk about how they miss Bum. BullshitBilly says… Get this, “… I wish we could pick up a cell phone and call.” He’s probably fielding other calls and won’t answer.

Back at the campfire, BullshitBilly and his chuds (hey, where’s Scami?) decide to divide the chores. And by divide I mean he just assigns work to the chuds while he hibernates.

They claim that the wind turbine is their number one priority because they definitely need it to survive the winter. Wait… How come you were supposedly able to survive the OTHER winters on the island without this groundbreaking project?

DuhVinciNoah tells daddy that he will definitely make it his number one priority! I guess that means he will have to temporarily suspend his main activities such as shopping at Hot-Topic, masturbating, cataloging his scab collection, and writing barely legible notes on scrap paper to his ‘girlfriend’.

He whines about his girlfriend while working on getting the turbine up to it’s final location. He tests it by strapping it to some 2×4’s. Wait for it… Here it comes… DuhVinciNoah’s smarmy, douchebag statement of the episode! “If I were Atlas, the world would be held!” Jesus Christ.

He blah’s blah blah’s all self-absorbed-ey and lectures us about how a wind turbine works. Did you know the wind makes it spin and it turns a generator and it makes ‘lectricity? I did too, but then again I actually made it past 6th grade. What a self-absorbed piece of shit.

Let’s check in on Mutt. He’s building a bar. No, wait… He’s building a ‘Meat Shed’. Why? For the hundredth time no one believes you asssholes live there so why do you think we’d believe you need to build a ‘Meat Shed’.

He tells us how he uses a jar with liquid to tell if things are level.

Wolverine and ExtremeBore head out to go hunting. They make more noise than a dump truck crashing through a window factory. Wait, did I just see ExtremeBore using a shovel as an oar? Somewhere in Browntown there’s an idiot trying to dig a hole with an oar! Wait, no there isn’t. There’s no one there.

ExtremeBore decides to go all Dio De Los Muertas with his ‘camo’ makeup.

After the break, ExtremeBore and Wolverine walk for quite a while pulling a canoe across the ground. They announce their presence loudly and then stand in full view scanning for a deer. Yeah, don’t hide beside something and try and conceal yourself.

Back in Browntown, DuhVinciNoah tells daddy that he’s done working on the turbine. I thought the people they got it from said it was already working? DuhVinciNoah tells him that he wants to bring his next victim… Sorry, girlfriend, to the island so Scami can badger her about grandbabies and BullshitBilly can put her to work!

Cut to Mutt who gives us tips on construction. He says he likes to lay out nails all over the place so that they’re always in reach. What happened to the other ‘root cellar’ (or ‘Bush Refrigerator’ as he called it)?

Uh Oh, DuhVinciNoah’s purse shows up. He escorts her around and shows her the shithouse where he lives while filming. Rhain (spelled differently, of course!) “Unibomber” Alicia does not look impressed.

She asks why Mutt built a tire house to which he explains, “Because his Saran-Wrap house burned down.” Wait… Oh! Of course! That’s the logical progression of house building. So, when did that happen?

Scami and BullshitBilly wait inside for DuhVinciNoah to bring in their next victim. BullshitBilly is playing with a ball of yarn that for some reason has a pistol laying next to it? I guess if she don’t make with the grandbabies there’s gonna be trouble!

This Rhain (spelled differently, of course!) broad has a shitload of issues. She answers their questions as if it were a job interview, giving the answers she thinks THEY want to hear. Y’know, ‘cuz the approval of a penniless grifter and his dead-behind-the-eyes contorted face wife means so much. Scami asks how she likes Browntown. Rhain (spelled differently, of course!) says she wants to wait until they are married before doing that.

Scami makes with the tough talk and tells her that most people that try and make it in Alaska run back home… Just like they do every winter! Scami can’t help herself and embarrasses her poor chud further by asking her about grandbabies. Not that DuhVinciNoah needs any help being embarrassed. Scami and BullshitBilly are elated to hear she likes kids, meaning they will soon have more people around to provide for them.

Back to ExtremeBore and Wolverine. Wouldn’t you know it! They see a deer! Oh boy this family sure is killing a lot of animals senselessly since they won’t be around in winter to eat them.

Now we get to listen to another self-absorbed Brownklown asshole tell us about how expert he is at hunting and he just knew his aim was perfect. Gimme a fucking break!

It’s well hidden behind a fallen tree and we see nothing of it being cleaned. Wolverine stands and throws the carcass over his shoulders. Strangely enough, there’s no guts or anything on the ground! C’Mon, ParkSlop, are you even trying anymore? Jesus Christ the bullshittery in your show has made you the laughing stock of the TV community. Even the producers of “Honey Boo-Boo” are laughing at you!

Back at Browntown, Mutt is finishing his ‘Meat Shed’. I wonder why Dumpbuddy Kenny isn’t helping? He builds a Rube Goldberg-ian device to open the doors.

Next, Birdbrain feeds her cow. No, not BullshitBilly, the OTHER cow! BirdBrain has a fever, and the only prescription is… Make a cowbell! That way they can find her if she gets loose in the next two weeks before she’s returned per their rental agreement.

Wolverine and ExtremeBore head back to the filming location with their ‘kill’. Thank God, too, because I hear the room service at the Bellagio in Vegas is terrible! They put it in Mutt’s unfinished ‘Meat Shed’. Sure, no bears will get in there!

Cut to DuhVinciNoah, Wolverine, and ExtremeBore as they act like they are really going to hook up and install a working turbine. DuhVinciNoah complains that it’s hard finding good minions. Yeah, like he’s so fucking smart that he’s above manual labor. What a fucking douche nozzle.

Mutt finishes his ‘Meat Shed’ and describes the workmanship to us. Yawn. He acts like he’s auditioning for This Old Shithouse.

Now for the good part! There’s sure to be a decapitation or limb removal! ExtremeBore and Wolverine try and figure out how to make a ladder for DuhVincviNoah to haul the wind turbine to the top of their teetering stand.

In the short segment, ExtremeBore climbs another tree. I’m sure the middle-aged house fraus that drool over this shitshow had their sweatpants around their ankles when they showed this man-child climb a tree. A FUCKING TREE!

He claims that the best way to avoid predators is to climb a tree. WTF?! Bears climb trees and will follow you up there if chasing you. For the last time, ParkSlop, please stop having these morons ‘teach‘ people about the bush because if people DO take their advice, they’re going to fucking DIE!

According to the Fish And Wildlife Service: A common misconception is that grizzly bears, unlike black bears, cannot climb trees. While its long claws make climbing more difficult for a grizzly than for a black bear, a grizzly can get to you in a tree – it will more likely, however, be able to reach you before you reach the tree.

Back to the Brownchuds trying to use ropes and pulleys to lift the wind turbine. Sadly, ExtremeBore hangs himself. Not really, but they do end up knocking it all over and it all falls into a junk pile, which now matches all the other junk piles on the island. Smarmy asshole DuhVinciNoah is mad and tells his dad that this is a perfect example of why people should listen to him. I wish one of his siblings would finally get enough of his smarmy bullshit and shove his top hat so far up his balloon knot he shits felt for a week!

Well, let’s leave it on a high note, a Brownklown total failure (again). Did anyone else have the feeling at the beginning of the season that this whole wind turbine thing would just be a horrible failure? Oh well, I’m sure the construction crew will build one for them and with some quick editing it will look like the Brownchuds are mildly competent.

See ya next week for another embarrassing episode of Alaskan Bullshit People!

NOTE: Episode Recaps are meant as parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment purposes only. Statements and claims in these posts are not necessarily considered facts or real information.

28 thoughts on “Alaskan Bush People Episode Recap S06:E06 All Falls Down

  1. Here we go, Beavis, to add to your excellent recap.
    I have concluded that Noah has a beard. He is trying so hard to look hetero, it is sad.
    The fake canoe hunting trip deserves comment, as well. They don’t even have one f ing canoe paddle? An oar and a shovel? And they supposedly covered 6 miles on the water plus a long portage overland with the canoe? All to pretend to shoot an invisible deer? Jesus. Stupid, stupid stupid. Why didn’t they just take the f ing skiff? And face painting? WTF is wrong with them?
    The invisible deer was supposedly shot, but when they found it, it was heading in the wrong direction. A deer heads to cover, not out to an open area. Ask any deer hunter.
    Ami’s garden deserves comment as well. She told us the first frost killed her vegetables. But then her two mentally challenged sons went on their fake hunting trip, and the announcer told us how they were in a hurry to get food, because the first frost was just two weeks ahead. Don’t the Goddamned writers talk to each other?
    Whewre were Billy and Ami when Matt was pretending to build the food shed? Were they trying to reproduce the butter scene from Last Tango in Paris? Why don’t those idiots have a level? It costs just a few dollars, even in Hoonah. Did anyone believe that Matt built that shed? How stupid was that sliding door?? How long is the boat trip to Hoonah? When Noah went to pick up his beard with the skiff, we were told it took an hour. Is the universe shrinking? And is the Browntown slum really everything Rhainn could ever hope for? She actually said that.
    And, finally, why put the Goddamned wind turbine in a tidal plain? Just how stupid is it to try to lift the thing with water flowing in? That’s as dumb as installing a metal roof during a rainstorm.
    Peace out, fellow haters.

    1. Awesome post-recap as always Lakerman. The funniest thing to me about the wind turbine is that the narrator spent a LOT of time telling us they picked that location because it’s the windiest place on the island (the blowhole) yet you never see any indication of wind! No trees in the background or anything is making the slightest movement even from the lightest of breezes! I meant to go into way more detail on the deer hunt but it’s like beating a dead horse. The one in this episode was so phony and staged.

      Please keep your comments coming…. funny and accurate 🙂

  2. Here is a thought…..where did they get the bacon? I usually find it in the section next to the butter. If they bought bacon, couldn’t they buy butter? Oh and the tire house if I recall was ruined by a bear attack…not a fire.

    1. GEORGIE! Nice to see/hear/read you. I like when Bilky said there were no stores around but then they show bacon, biscuits, pies, bread… All cooked by Scami, of course 😉

      1. Hi……yeah I haven been on the Exposed board lately. I just can’t watch this show anymore. But I still read your recaps to get caught up nd laugh like mad. In fact…..right now I am gonna go ahead nd watch this episode from On Demand. I’m dying to see Alica Ruth Gaelic Rhain visit the compound. I gotta see the idiots brandishing weapons at the dining table too. Be good and keep up with the updates…..I am lurking from the crows nest above ExtremeBores tree house. Xoxoxoxo. PS…how come we have to do a math quiz to reply? LOL

        1. Glad you’re still involved at least with the recaps and such. I reference your book review a lot. It’s one of the unique gems here and funny as hell.

          The math quiz is needed to weed out the auto-comment scammers. Without it I’d be spending my day weeding through ads for boner pills and free cruises trying to find the relevant ones. Some still get through but… I’m working on implementing the Google checkbox to ‘prove you’re human’ to make it easier.

          I’m working on implementing a Riff-Trax sort of page for each episode where along with the recaps I can add an audio comment track that is synced to the episode.

          Again, thank you for your contributions and comments and check out the FB once in a while for a laugh. 🙂 Stay in touch and have a great weekend!

  3. Excellent recaps. ????

    Is it just me, or is Bear laying on extra thick with his stupid accent lately?

    The cowbell scene made me sad for those two girls later on in their lifes.

    Also whatever happened to gimpy Noahs busted leg? Hes all red cheeked machisemo now. Hate his smarmy comments.

    Btw this is the fifth or sixth season, and they are as ill prepared for winter as always. Does anyone remember how they survived the last five winters? Id hate to habe to watch the episodes again haha.

  4. And yeah I also make do with just reading these and other recaps.
    Can’t force myself to sit through entire episodes, so thanks for making the sacrifice. ???

  5. Wow, a rowboat oar and a scoop shovel… How friggin stupid are these churls ?…
    While Matt was supposedly crafting the dead body hiding place (I mean the meat shed), he pretty much said the wood came from his handmade POS mill he built a couple episodes ago… I truly cannot believe the producers and writers want us to think this wood was cut on that deathtrap… The wood planks just looked too good, and the different sizes of the wood would be hard to cut on that machine…
    And for all the manic talk of ‘Harsh winter is coming’ and ‘We got to get ready’, they sure spend a lot of time doing non-essential crap. Climbing trees, showing future victims around, knitting, instructions on starting fires, making cowbells for the poor cow….
    And while the Bear was showing us his pyromaniac skills, I noticed all the ‘rasslin’ mat garbage he nailed to the benches a few weeks ago was long gone…
    Great recap RK, love the pictures !!!

    1. Hiya Steve: I forgot where I read it but someone pointed out that the wood planks Matt was using had circular saw marks on them in one close-up. meaning they were not cut with his bandsaw but with a large circular blade. So, yeah… bullshit. 🙂

      Nice comments on Noah. They really are trying their best to portray him a a completely self-absorbed pompous ass.

      Thanks for the comments!

  6. Sorry, one other thought…
    I know it has been discussed before on this site and others, but Noah has become totally insufferable to his family… His attitude that he is actually some sort of intellectual or on even footing with some top flight inventors is just beyond insane…
    I have worked with fools like this before in my life, and they constantly look down upon others, and treat them with total disdain, all the while quoting some obscure writer or idealist to prove that they are indeed better, smarter, haughtier… It makes me wonder why the writers want Noah coming off that way, or is he just assuming he is better than the writers ? Either way, he is beginning to look like the most warped of all the Browns…

    1. Steve, I’m sure the writers are encouraging Noah to go with his already distorted opinion of himself. He clearly enjoys it. The fat, repugnant, still in the closet lad is a damned fool.
      I hope the girl, Rhain, is well paid by Park Slop.
      She has to be choking on her lines.
      As for Bear, his grimacing talking style has progressed from the first season, where he did that to imitate Sean Connery, to the point where he is barely understandable. Bird has joined in with that speaking style, but hers is dangerous, since her front broken/rotted teeth could rip her lip off. (Putting a cup or two of sugar on scrambled eggs is probably not a good idea.)
      Most offensive, though, is the pontificating of Billy the bum. He is a scammer of the highest order, and the crap that he spouts is just plain awful. Someone should give him his comeuppance, instead of those fake deals he makes.

  7. Wow – they really are running out of plot fodder. Regarding the latest fake “important” hunt, did you notice Bear’s mid-segment costume change? When they started paddling, in the rain, the idiot in the back was wearing his leather jacket while Bear was wearing what appeared to be a sensible red rain jacket. During the canoe dragging scene he was wearing a black jacket. Later, back to the red jacket. The footage was probably pieced together. Also, I noticed that the boys were wearing tee shirts when returning with the deer. I don’t know anything about storing a deer carcass but I assume it goes rancid pretty quickly in tee shirt temps! That is unless Matt’s storage shed has magical bush powers. Oh well……

  8. Another recap another masterpiece.

    With IMDb going away this is one of the few places where we can still get our ABP humor fix. The gateway to the grifters.

    As billyboy grifts his way through life, the Brown-klownz come off as a family that once they get their parkslop paycheck, they’re off to the nearest 7-11 to buy lottery tickets and the eat the best meal the convenience store has to offer.

      1. Yep, totally gone now Beavis, but not forgotten. However, many of the same members, including myself and RealityObserver, have moved over to the Previously TV forums for this show. They have a fairly active board over there, and I’m sure that they would appreciate it if you dropped your recap links over there. Most everyone from IMDB has moved over to the sites below:

        1. Wow, thanks for the update. I tried going to the IMDB msg boards and it sure is gone. I’ll mosey on over to others you listed.

  9. Sorry, but I HAVE to ask a question…what is “Hot-Topic” that you mention in regards to Noah? Is it a store? a website? If so, what does it offer? Just Curious…LOVE your recaps…I laugh so hard I’m crying, and I don’t have to pay my shrink! LOL! Seriously, you’re a riot and I look forward to each new recap – keep ’em coming!

    1. Hot Topic is a store that sells eclectic and unusual clothing items, the sort of stuff you see Noah wearing on the show… kinda like Goth meets Surfer meets Stoner… There is a Hot Topic store in almost every large city mall…

    2. Thanks to Reality Observer for answering in a timely fashion. 🙂 It is as he described and usually patronized by wannabe goth-like peoples.

  10. Just one more observation – if God is merciful, He will make sure the Brownclowns are canceled.
    But Discovery is taking steps to contaminate Alaska the LKast Frontier with comments dumb as Billy’s comments. Last Sunday, thew announcer, with voice of doom, said the Kilchers were struggling to survive the Harsh Alaska wilderness winter. But the Kilchers are wealthy, and live 4 miles from Homer, a town of 5000, with a hospital, grocery stores, electricity, roads.
    They are interesting people, with actual skill sets, every kind of vehicle except a rocket ship, and their lives are interesting.
    Butr that is never enough for Discovery.
    They even had Jane Kilcher, out deer hunting, say, “I don’t even want to think about what will happen if I don’t get a deer.” Jane, here is what will happen. One of you can kill and butcher one of your cows – you have several hundred. Or you can go to the super market in Homer and buy some meat. And you can drive there in a car!

    1. “They even had Jane Kilcher, out deer hunting, say, “I don’t even want to think about what will happen if I don’t get a deer.” Jane, here is what will happen. One of you can kill and butcher one of your cows – you have several hundred. Or you can go to the super market in Homer and buy some meat. And you can drive there in a car!”

      LOL… So true…

      The “Voice of Doom”… hahahaha , spot on

  11. At this point the only reason to watch the show it to spot the BS… Amy’s Morphing fishing reels, headlights in the background of Matt’s vision quest.
    This just might be their Jump the Shark season. The stunts are like a wilderness Gong Show. How much more ridiculous can they get?
    Even though I seldom see more than 5 minutes of this train wreck (my wife makes me leave when I start making comments) Please keep the recaps coming, lots of us look forward to them!

    1. Oh Parah, your wife needs to ridicule the show with you. My husband and I do. One of these days our eyes are going to get stuck when we roll them to the back of our heads over the stupidity. It’s like a train wreck though, you just have to see what will happen next. LOL

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