Alaskan Bush People Episode Recap S07:E06 Bush Code

Noah Brown not appearing in this episodeSurprisingly, this episode was a little easier to watch because America’s favorite incompetent twatwaffle, NoDuh, is not appearing in this episode. ParkSlop is now getting episode tips from Monty Python.

We are reminded AGAIN that these events are happening in real time. Except that they are spliced together in some hap-hazard fashion to play to the narrative laid out by ParkSlop writers. For example, they make it seem like Scami is going through Chemo THEN BullshitBilly takes her and the chuds to Colorado where he says he will ‘pull over and build a house.‘ But, the trip to Colorado was done BEFORE she started her chemo. Man, ParkSlop, Discoverup, and the entire BullshitBrown family are sure milking this cancer thing for all the sympathy money they can get!

Bear Brown cleans up Browntown o Alaskan bush peopleIn the opening segment, BirdBrain, AcidRain, and Bore clean up the Hoonah dump… no wait, it’s Browntown. The family of slobs seem to care nothing about the environment or the (once) pristine land of Alaska judging by the amount of shit that is strewn across the filming location.

Oh wait, seems ParkSlop can only show ten seconds of this without showing Scami and BullshitBilly and mentioning how sad it is that this bush living coughbullshitcough family is sad and suffering emotionally because the Discoverup paychecks will be ending soon… I mean because Scami has cancer.

Bore says they need to remove everything that doesn’t belong in the bush… LIKE THEMSELVES!

Oh wait, here we are back seeing Scami at the hospi… HEY! There’s Bilky’s Rolex! We hadn’t seen it in so long I was afraid they broke up.

The doctor tells Scami she has to get a small tattoo so that they can concentrate the treatments to the same exact spot every time. This tattoo is important later on.

Billy and Ami Brown talk to a doctor about her cancer treatment

Bilky, the Grand Narcissist, makes a point of telling us how HE is holding up during this traumatic time. As long as there’s a camera on him and he’s getting paid, I’m sure he’s fine with it.

BullshitBilly and Scami talk with Doctor Bird 2.0 to get some insight into the upcoming treatments.

Back at the filming location, Bore wonders how to get the disc-brake rotor with broken wooden pallet blades on the SS Grifter and back to Kaliforny because it means SOOOO much to the family.

Trapper gets his boat stolen

Since all of them are incompetent, ParkSlop hires Trapper-Keeper to pilot the SS Grifter to Juneau so the chuds can offload the scraps of memorable garbage they gathered and get it sent to their new home in the bush part of Topanga, California.

Remember Trapper-Keeper? He’s the dull-witted idiot who told BullshitBilly’s chuds the story of how his boat got stolen and then about a month later BullshitBilly gives it back saying he was ‘sold’ the boat by the ‘real’ guy that stole it and since he’s a forthright, honest man he returned it to Trapper-Keeper? Maybe someday the poor dumb bastard will figure it out.

AcidRain and BirdBrain gather Devil’s Club so they can take it back to Scami. They claim it has medicinal purposes and seem convinced it will cure cancer a lot better than big city medicine.

Back in Kaliforny, BullshitBilly and Mutt talk about his accident. Mutt tells his Duh that he Franken’d himself. Despite his deficiencies, I think he has a long way to go before he Al Franken’s himself. BullshitBilly tells him he was ‘close’. I think he means ‘close’ to being ‘off’ the show. Mutt still looks like shit despite his Men’s Wearhouse For Bush People make-over.

Back at the filming location, Trapper-Keeper arrives and tells the chuds that he heard there is a bush family that wants their boat! Trapper-Keeper tells Bore the family is excited to meet them and get paid for being script fodder for a horrible cable-TV show.

It shouldn’t be too tough of a decision since they never owned the boat! It’s another rented prop just for the show, like the cannon, Browntown, girlfriends, etc..

After the break, Bore, AcidRain, and BirdBrain read lines from the script and try and decide if they should sell the SS Grifter. Again, they never owned it so it should be a no-brainer. Pffhhhtt! Get it… No brainer.

BirdBrain gets teary-eyed talking about how the gravy train of Discoverup paychecks is about to end, but we’re supposed to believe it’s because she doesn’t want to get rid of something that’s meant so much to them over the years. And by that I mean something they’ve filmed on for a couple weeks a year over the last few seasons.

As AcidRain and BirdBrain act like they clean the inside of the Ketchikan construction company built filming location cabin before the ParkSlop interns arrive, we see the Discoverup Channel’s promo picture of these assklowns hanging on the wall.

Back in Kaliforny, Mutt waxes retardingly about his accident. yawn. Let’s see what the other chuds are up to back at the filming location. Bore is trying to rig an overly engineered solution to getting the disc-brake rotor and wooden pallet blades safely to the ground so they can take it back and show it to Scami.

Bore explains his love/hate relationship with rope. I’m not really on one side or the other when it comes to rope, but if he hung himself with it, I’d be the biggest fan of rope EVER!

Mini-might sees a bear and uses all of his five-foot nothing manhood to scare it away.

Back in Kaliforny… man, there’s BullshitBilly showing off his fancy bush jewelry again! Mutt decides to build a vibrator… I mean a tattoo gun so he can get a tattoo just like mommy. Why not just go to a tattoo parlor and have a professional do it? All the Brownklowns have tattoo’s. In NoDuh’s case he has several, and they’re all shitty! But no, ParkSlop has to push the narrative that these bush people do everything themselves with shit they find laying on a dirty deck in a home in the Topanga bush.

He turns it on and is shocked at how vibrat-ey it is. He tapes together some tetanus-inducing looking piece of shit that is sure to fail miserably. Wow, he made a pinhole sized dot which is sure to require medical attention later in the day.

Back at the filming location, Bore, AcidRain, and BirdBrain are STILL trying to load rented crap onto the SS Grifter so they can get their security deposit back. Ten minutes are wasted showing them trying to load it onto the roof of the boat. Man, ParkSlop must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to find ANYTHING interesting that they show these incompetent non-bush fools doing. Maybe after the commercial they’ll show us something interesting.

Nope, sorry. We’re back watching even MORE footage of them trying to load the rented cannon onto the boat they don’t own so a competent captain can drive it somewhere to be scuttled. While they’re doing that, let’s check out some of the interesting things AcidRain and Wolverine have been doing in Kaliforny! I tell ya, as a fan I can’t wait to find out what trivial, pedestrian thing these unemployed, uneducated chuds do while other people are leading productive lives. Speaking of that, why isn’t AcidRain in skool? She’s 14 and by all accounts should be in a classroom. We’ve seen how Scami’s home-skoolin’ has worked out for the other dull-witted chuds so you’d think she of all people would realize the importance of a good education.

OK, back in Kaliforny, bored Mutt and Bum play something resembling nothing. As with everything Brown, it goes nowhere and turns out to be a big waste of time. Mutt complains he has nothing to do and is very bored. They discuss something that already happened and that is taking Scami to Colorado and pretending like they are going to live there like bush people.

Back at the filming location, Bore, AcidRain, and BirdBrain meet the hired extra’s pretending to be interested in a soon to be scuttled piece of shit. The father claims he wants to live like the Bush people… Sooooo, in Seattle, Phoenix, California, Colorado, and Las Vegas?

Right before the break, Bore announces to them that they don’t want to sell the SS Grifter. Oh-NO! What will happen next?

Well, in the ‘short’ segment, Bore plays with NoDuh’s bells. Good lord.

Back in Kaliforny, BullshitBilly tries to read the medical information about Scami’s treatment. At the filming location, Bore tells the hired actors… Sorry, FAMILY that they want to GIVE them the SS Grifter! Wow! How fucking generous considering you dumb chuds don’t own it! I noticed they never showed Bore and the guy’s kids in the same shot, thus not highlighting his EK-Shtreem dwarfness. They give the boat to them on a handshake. I wonder if the helmet wearing, short bus riding, window licking fans of this show realize that there’s some paperwork involved. But hey, let’s not ruin it for those simpletons and let them believe that this is really happening and is in no way bullshit.

In the preview, Bore, AcidRain, and BirdBrain finally finish looting the filming location and return home.

Before we end, let’s talk a little bit about what the Brownklownz have been doing since filming wrapped. it seems that AcidRain and Wolverine have hired Social Media consultants who, for a fee, convinced them that what they say and do is relevant and important and that there are millions of fans hanging on their every word and action. As a result, we’ve seen a plethora of candid shots featuring the dull-witted chuds doing the most boring and pedantic activities known to the internet.

Wolverine has started posting ‘sexy-time’ photos that serve only as epicac for the masses unfortunate enough to view them. For example, there’s him relaxing by the pool with his feet in the air. Oh, and let’s not forget the one of him shirtless with a rose in his mouth in front of a fireplace. JesusHChristOnACross. If there wasn’t actual proof of this online I would swear it was make believe.

See if you can guess which of the images below were PhotoShopped:

You’re guess is wrong. The correct answer is “Who gives a shit?”

So, until next time, bushies, we say MORE… Bullshit!

NOTE: Episode Recaps are meant as parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment purposes only. Statements and claims in these posts are not necessarily considered facts or real information.

25 thoughts on “Alaskan Bush People Episode Recap S07:E06 Bush Code

  1. Get a hammer and hit a nail on the head a hundred times for this recap…. WTF is wrong with this show and the people in it…. Ask Beavis and you will soon find out…

    The soon to be owners of the boat never once asked to actually look inside the Integrity and never asked once it was given to them, does it start ? Does it steer ? What modifications have you made ? Are any corpses hidden on board ? etc….

    And I was a bit confused (with Bear’s description ), did he give them the boat AND all that was on it that they just loaded ? or just the boat ?

    Thanks Beavis for an excellent recap and absolutely loved the photos !!!

    Was this the last episode of this season, or is there gonna be any new shit coming up ? I noticed that I am set to record an episode tomorrow nite, but it shows no details if it is new or anything….

  2. “Bore explains his love/hate relationship with rope. I’m not really on one side or the other when it comes to rope, but if he hung himself with it, I’d be the biggest fan of rope EVER!”

    That last sentence was pure magic, classic!!

    Beavis you and R.O. reset our sanity after ever episode. Thanks.

    Looking forward to the upcoming ‘ventures of the soon to be Colorado Carney Clan….

  3. Dear Beavis – Glad to see you out here; I was getting worried! I DVR’d this episode; so I’d like to put down a kind of rambling commentary of this mess…Bear looked really FIERCE in his long gray coat flapping in the wind as he chased that bear, WOW! I could tell that the bear was REALLY scared…And how fascinating to learn that you can scare a Huge Animal like the Bear (who, in reality, can KILL you!) by shouting and barking at it and talking to it like it was Mr. Cupcake doing something bad, telling it to go home!! Dayam, I never knew that! That wasn’t something Marlon Perkins (Points if you know who he is – you’re old like me! πŸ™‚ or Steve Irwin NEVER taught on their shows! Jeez! Dear God, Save Us! Disco REALLY needs to put a disclaimer before the show saying “Don’t listen to the Hobbit in the trench coat! He is also the Village Idiot !” Let the Bear HAVE the space!…Then the three of them making such a decision (boat) ON THEIR OWN? Especially when there was $$$ to be made; wouldn’t Billy have been up there with his hand out? (Theoretically Speaking) LOL! What a selfish, ego-maniacal lump of LARD Billy is!! Billy, we DON’T give a DAMN about YOUR feelings! Your poor wife is over there writhing in pain, and all you can whine about is how scared YOU are! You pester that poor woman for an “Adventure”…”Hey, c’mon Ami! I’ve got this RV I bartered for! Let’s drag your poor sick self all over Hell and back so I can be “free” and build a Trash Town to call My very own! You don’t mind ridin’ in this big ‘ol RV, bumpin’ ya around, do ya, Am? You say you’ll feel SO much better if you do?! That’s my girl!” BANG! I just shot his ass. Problem solved! So simple! I wouldn’t have put up with his shit for a split second. Then again, Billy wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me because I am smart and can read and have a ton of COMMON SENSE….Matt…Babe, you scare me; you really do. You’re a tortured soul and you don’t HAVE to be! Break Free! Don’t feel GUILTY! You’re taking care of you! Get Help! Otherwise…we’re just watching you fall apart, and that’s REALLY sad; it doesn’t have to be this way. You’re tweakin’ ALL OVER this episode, dude. Bird…I REALLY like that black blouse, and you washed your hair! It’s a good look for you! Now keep it up! Get Noah to give you some of his goth wardrobe. Little Miss Rain…I don’t worry about you; just keep that ‘tude, girlie, it will serve you well. This show keeps reaching higher and higher plateau’s of stupidity, inconsistencies, and just plain dumb shit. The Browns are milking this for all it’s worth…sad thing is…they’re folks out there STILL who believe this is real…What a World…What a World…Beavis, as always, thank you for your insightful commentary…I spit my drink out laughing when I scrolled down to the picture of Matt and his little purple”friend” Good one! Oh yeah, something I wanted to mention…you know, we really should contact “Saturday Night Live” and tell them “To Hell with Trump…We got something BETTER for you!” Could you IMAGINE the skits they could come up with?? Priceless! I am also waiting for the day that one of the kids turns and writes a tell-all and I also envision an episode with Dr. Phil…Bwahahahaaaa! πŸ™‚ Luv ya, Beavis !

    1. Awesome… VERY awesome thoughts! Thank you for sharing your funny insights. The thing with Bilky dragging Scami on an ‘adventure’ given the timeline is spot on!

      BTW, I DO remember Marlin Perkins, but if memory serves correctly I thought he always stayed i the studio and made Jim do all the hard work?!?! He’s kinda the Bilky of Wild Kingdom πŸ™‚

      Thanks again for your comments! πŸ™‚

      1. Yep, Beavis, you’re right! ‘Ol Marlin stayed in the nice air conditioned studio and sent poor Jim’s ass out to wrestle/capture alligators, crocodiles, wildebeest’s, snakes, lions what have you! Marlin might actually be Bilky’s Dad… :O they definitely have things in common! Yep, if I’d been Ami (never!) I’d’ve shot Billy’s selfish right then and there – adventure THIS, asshole ! And yes, I believe you are correct -“twatwaffle” IS a British term ! Now…if we could just convince “SNL” to start parodying these clowns – they are just BEGGING to be parodied !! Luv ya, Beavis! I appreciate the compliments – twisted, sick minds think alike ! πŸ˜‰

    2. The folks that think this shit is real probably think all the news is fake. I think this show appeals to the survivalist type of people.

  4. P.S. I like how you help improve our vocabulary with new words like “twatwaffle” for Noah – gotta remember that one… πŸ™‚

  5. Good point beavis. Where is noduh?? I thought when he left the “set” when mutt showed up he was going to be with his family in California. Did Alan Einstein get lost?? Did his homemade moss-aaaahhhh compass-ahhhhh take him east instead of south?? I thought he couldn’t wait to see his “mommy” and not to be cruel but stage 3/3b/4/6and 7/8’s cancer?!?! We know nothing. How progressive is it? Which one is it?? Each one is very different and more progressive so Isn’t time an issue right now?? Good point reality observer. Did they give them a boat full of garbage?? Here we’ll give you a free boat but you have to clean all our shit out of it cuz we’re too lazy to do it ourselves, but hey we gave you a true to its name BOAT. Hope your rich and you use the money we’re gonna use to buy it to fix it cuz every week you’ll have to Bust Out Another Thousand!!!
    Can’t wait to read your next recap!!

    1. It does seem weird that he is nowhere to be seen while his mother is going through this. I guess The Night Stalker has a pretty tight grip on him to keep him from her. She’s doing to NoDuh what Bilky did to Scami… Brainwash him against the family πŸ™‚

  6. Oh btw. Don’t forget to follow them on social media!!!

    Gabe– Instagram @gabrielstarbuckbrown11

    Rainy B
    Instagram – @heroofkirkwell
    Snap chat — heroofkirkwel7

    Bam. Facebook and twitter

  7. As I noted elsewhere, there is heavy irony in the fact that Billy, after spending his life scamming people in penny ante ways, fell into a semi-legitimate scam, worth big money to the family, and God chose to give the Marlboro lady lung cancer.
    Now Billy is honestly grieving, his tobacco stained moustache drooping, over the loss of a cash cow. (Not the rented cow – she is now enjoying retirement in Hoonah.)
    There remain some mysteries, caused by the madcap script writers at Parkslop, the biggest being – where the hell did the cannon come from, and why didn’t they show the transaction??
    How did Rain appear in two different states simultaneously?
    Why give away a boat, when Ami is undergoing really expensive treatment for her lung cancer? They punched and bartered salmon to pay for Rain’s infected tooth transaction. Why not sell the boat?
    What happened to the skiff?
    How many of the damned fools who insist ABP is a real, authentic show about people living in the bush, will go to Alaska, attempt to use Bear’s method of taking territory away from brown bears, and get eaten by bears? When will Rain be of legal age to act in ‘adult’ films? What will be Bird’s maximum weight be? Will Noah and Rhain(Ruth) mate and produce a baby, thus proving that inter species breeding is possible?
    Over to you, Beavis!

    1. Thanks (to everyone also) for adding to the discussion! I had a screenshot of the tweet from the guy that rented the cannon to ParkSlop. I’ll have to search for it.

  8. Lmao lakerman1!! I guess we will have to wait for next seasons Colorado bush people to find out. It really does look like ms rain is destined to become a stripper/”actress”. I have been saying that since she found “bush make up”. Now seeing her tweets and instagram what else will she do? No education, no skills hoping her singing “career” will take off. It blows my mind how many people actually believe this bullshit. I admittedly have become a fan because of this web site, the one reality observer has and profane review. That being said being turned onto all these websites with links to other ones has kept me reading for hours. Allegedly, adamantly denied by all especially by her father, mrs rhain-noduh brown is pregnant. Pictures of her and her chud show a significant weight gain. Maybe scami will get her grandbaby before things could potentially go bad.

  9. Beavis I wish I knew. I tried to google it and closest I found was Kirkwall in dragon age. Some kind of fantasy game. Maybe when the erected the turbine and got them some lec-trice-city “they done gotted themselves” a PlayStation and now they are addicted to rpg?

  10. Yes, Rain’s future is in adult entertainment, and her stage name is “Rain-Dance”. Expect Bird to be her business manager, going by the name large Marge.

    The Colorado state legislature should ban the traveling Carney Clan And Freakshow from turning virgin wilderness into a scanky trash heap.

    1. LMFAO!!! I’m dying. Rain dance and large marge. How are they traveling if she’s supposed to start chemo?? I guess the 2 hour season finale will reveal all

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