It’s finally here… Sentencing day! Looks like BullshitBilly and Bum will be tossing the bush salad after being sentenced to 30 days in jail and 40 hours Community Service for lying about residency. The rest of the Brownklownz escaped, having their charges dropped in exchange for the eldest Brownklownz punishment. However Ami, Bear, Gabe, and Noah have to pay back all of the dividends they received.
According to the Alaska Dispatch News:
Billy Brown must return $7,956 in improperly obtained dividends and pay a $10,000 fine. Joshua Brown must pay back $1,174 in dividends and pay a $2,000 fine.
Does this mean that next season the rest of the slurred-speech chuds will camp outside the prison, howling to each other at night? How will Ami survive without Billy telling her what to do? Will Billy fall into another of his work-avoidance coma’s to get out of jail time?
Only time will tell. The two must turn themselves in to jail before April 15th, and can never apply for the dividend. The judge left the door open for allowing them to enter a half-way house or electronic monitoring in lieu of going to jail.
Billy’s lawyer stated that because of his health issues, the family, “…can’t stay in the Bush anymore because he needs to be near medical attention.”
The family got off pretty easy considering this grifting clan was originally looking at a total of 60 counts of first-degree unsworn falsification and first- and second-degree theft linked to dividend applications submitted from 2010 to 2013.
Oh, and get this… Billy called in from Capistrano, California! But how? The TV show said they were preparing for the harsh Alaska winter. Oh wait, they apparently haven’t lived in Alaska during winter for several years, thus the fraud charges.
What will this do for their ‘whoah is me’ wholesome family image? Will gullible TV viewers still support them? Of course they will. The idiots that support this family and the show will buy into their bullshit no matter what they do.
I look for Billy and / or the rest of the Brownklownz to play the victim card repeatedly in an effort to convince people (and themselves) that they are totally innocent. It’s been a theme of the show since it started. In Season one, Billy claimed that the gubmint burned down his home for no good reason (victim), then they tried to build a home in a populated subdivision and when neighbors shot off fireworks because they were tired of the noise the production crews were constantly making they lied and said they were being shot at (victim), then their boat sank when Captain Hazelwood ran it into a log and they lost everything (victim), now evil bears have scared them away from their latest home (victim).
Look for our prognostications on what the next season of the show will be about. Stoopidhousewives.com is reporting that they have been seen around Southern California and that a Discovery Channel production crew (most likely ParkSlope Productions) is following them around and filming. I imagine it will be a sort of ‘fish out of water’ (or bush) season where the Brownklownz must once again find a new location to build Browntown.
Gullible viewers will eat up the numerous scenes of their wonderment and confusion as they try and live in ‘modern’ society. Just be sure you forget all about those years they weren’t living in Alaska and they were making YouTube videos, creating Facebook and web pages, texting on their cell phones, and eating in such ‘bush’ establishments like Tilted Kilt (no pun intended). But hey, let’s just just buy into their phony BS (again) and watch as they struggle to decipher and fit in with this complicated world in which they know nothing about… Y’know, because they lived isolated in the bush for the last 30 years, right?
I can’t wait for next season! Orange is the New Brown.
Read more about this laughably phony TV show by visiting our Episode Recaps.
Not familiar with the Brownklownz? Check out our cast bio parody.