Found: One Of Bilky Brown’s Lost Children’s Books

Alaskan bush People - Beverly Hillbillies

After years of searching and being told they didn’t exist, I was finally able to hunt down one of BullshitBilly’s notorious Children’s Books.

“They were just a scam, they never existed,” the naysayers told me. But I kept going, searching, knowing that one day I would be rewarded. Finally that day has arrived! I found this on eBay and it came with a Certificate of Bullshit Authenticity!

So here it is, one of BullshitBilly’s long lost Children’s Books:


Gather ’round children and I’ll read you the book
about Bilky Brownklown and the stuff that he took

It started in Texas, the big Lone Star State
Where Bilky’s rich family met with terrible fate

The young grifting buck got married quite young
It was hard finding someone who’s equally dumb

He never got a job to support the children he spawned
It was easier to steal horses and grow pot on the lawn

Bilky reached twenty six and divorced his first wife
He met fifteen year old Scami and started a new life

She dropped out of school, they made quite a pair
He’s lucky Chris Hanson and Dateline weren’t there

They moved to Alaska, land of the midnight sun
but soon realized there was much work to be done

Bilky and Scami were as lazy as can be
They wanted cool stuff, but they wanted it free

Bilky tried scamming money, but investors said ‘rubbish’
He claimed he had seventy kids books to publish

After hitting up locals with scams he was shucking
Bilky thought of a way to get something for nothing

They’d have lots of children to provide what they need
While Bilky wrote his book that no one would read

Scami had seven children, no more could she conceive
for now her cootch hangs like an old wizard’s sleeve

The children soon grew, each one dumber than the next
but the kids were made for working, not schoolwork or tests

When Bilky finished writing his self absorbed tome
They packed up and left their Forestry Service squatted home

They toured the lower 48, something they’d done many times
they later failed to disclose, resulting in numerous crimes

A half-assed TV network got wind of Bilky’s book
they didn’t do their research and were soon on the hook

They portrayed them as a family, close knit and loving
but viewers soon learned it was bullshit they were shoving

If Bilky wrote down all the lies in this show
he’d actually have written the seventy kids books he owes

Thus ends our story, now tell all your buds
about Bilky and Scami and their seven dumb chuds

The End

NOTE: This post is meant as parody, satire, and humor and is for entertainment purposes only. Statements and claims in these posts are not considered facts or real information.

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