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Patient 17

Documentary Review: Patient Seventeen

Patient Seventeen

Released: October 10, 2017
Run Time: 68 minutes
Genre: Documentary
Production: JKLC Productions
Country: USA

FEATURING:
Patient Seventeen as Himself
Roger Leir as Himself
Steven Colbern as Himself
Christopher C. as Himself
George Knapp as Himself
Jeremy Kenyon Lockyer Corbell as Himself/Narrator

CREW:
Written , Directed, Produced, Edited, Production Management, Sound, Visual Effects by: Jeremy Kenyon Lockyer Corbell
Music by: Oliver E Lewis

Synapsis: A look into the case of ‘Patient Seventeen’, who claims to have been abducted by aliens, and then having an object embedded under his skin. A doctor, and others, remove and examine the object.

When you got nothing to do on a weekend but watch Netflix documentaries.

This documentary starts with the extra long narration and visual effects of writer, producer, director and narrator, among other things, of Jeremy Kenyon Lockyer Corbell. He says a lot of things that were apparently taken from a Thesaurus to make himself sound like an expert on something. He states, “I seek to weaponize your curiosity”, whatever the hell that means, and we are shown a title of ‘Extraordinary Beliefs’, when the title of the documentary is ‘Patient Seventeen’. These titles seem to pop up through the film as a way to make a point that what he just said is to be immortalized. I think showing the title to the film is probably what you want to show at the beginning of the film.

I started to think this documentary  was either a joke or a 15 year old’s idea of a good film. Believe me it is neither, just really, really bad filmmaking. First of all, the filmmaker/narrator talks in his slow, somber, irritating tone, that supposedly tells us we are about to see and hear the wonders of his investigation into this pseudo, fringe field.

After his nonsense of narration, we get to see the disjointed scenes of some guy getting up, washing his face and fixing bacon and eggs. Pretty soon he leaves his house on a POS 125cc Honda dirt bike to head into somewhere. Finally we get the title to the film that sort of identifies the guy as Patient Seventeen, while the narrator informs us that he is going to see Dr Leir, to have a something removed from his body, which Patient 17 believes is an alien implant.

More idiotic images appear, an anthill for an agonizing long time, and now a space station for some reason, while we hear from a broadcast of ‘Coast to Coast AM’. I think we are supposed to associate the space station as either a satellite that is broadcasting the show (which isn’t what the space station does), or that the unexplained wonders and secrets of the universe are about to be revealed. The radio clip explains little to that effect, but does mention Dr. Leir as being the foremost expert on alien implants and removal.

Cut to the title ‘Santa Barbara, California’ with an image of one of the missions there, we see guy on a bicycle ride through the hallway, a lady hauling a shopping cart down the street, and then some old dude playing a classic organ (badly) in a theatre. We listen to him (I guess it is the doctor, maybe) drone on about musical compositions. I am confused here, whats’ this got to do with anything?

New title appears out side of an official looking building, reading ‘Thousand Oaks, California’. Inside the building (I guess), we are introduced to the good doctor. Hey, it was the dude playing the organ from before, not only is he a doctor but an amateur musician. Classy. It is Dr. Leir, a podiatric surgeon (read ‘foot doctor’), and UFOlogist, who is famous the world over (or at least in his neighborhood), for removing junk from peoples bodies and claiming it came from aliens and outer space. Acting like he just left Happy Hour at ‘Shotgun Willies’, he starts in where the narrator left off and explains the just made up science of “Off-World Implant Technology”. It makes no sense other than the aliens are implanting humans with pieces of metal that really don’t do anything, except annoy the people who have them. And of course the thousands of other folks with the same problem, who went to someone else to have the piece of wire, staple, glass shard or small gravel object removed, and it never occurred to them that it was an alien implant to track them on earth, or guide them to the master’s voice, or whatever.

Time for the nitty gritty about what this documentary is all about, at like 15 minutes into the film. Leir examines the Patient Seventeen’s (from now on just Pat 17) leg below the knee, a foot doctor examines the leg, and uses a stud finder to locate the myterious implant. Let me repeat that, a stud finder, like a carpenter would use. An X-ray of Pat 17’s leg (or an X-ray of just about anything else) is produced, and proves nothing, because we never really get a good look at it. And BTW, Pat 17 rode a motorcycle wearing jeans to the doctor, but is seen wearing a pair of shorts at this point. He also has on a LA Dodgers baseball cap, “Go Dodgers”. The good doctor and his assistant now do an ultra sound on Pat 17’s leg (while dressed in full surgical gear, gown, gloves, little paper hat) and finally we get to see the piece of gravel/glass/broken nail/BB in his leg. A blood sample is also extracted to test for ‘non-territorial’ items in his bloodstream. It seems that Leir has done this before, and he goes to work on the blood test, which of course we never hear about again.

Pat 17 now drones on about having the incision done to remove that pesky alien implant and pretends that he is curious about the object. Now he starts in on the alien encounters he had as a child while in Las Vegas, and how he thinks those frolicsome little aliens put the implant in him. Or is it a broken nail, or is it a sliver of glass, or can Dr Leir convince me without a shred of evidence that it is a radiating object planted to keep check on Pat 17’s movements and or health or just for kicks (those crazy aliens and their little impish games…). On to the surgical procedure to remove the item from his leg.

So the Dr and his assistant wear surgical gowns and gloves and protective headgear when doing the ultrasound, and also wear the stuff during the implant removal, yet they fail to wear face masks, nor do they shave the area around the incision, you can see Pat 17’s leg hairs all over the place, during the ‘surgery’. Once they have the cut done, he pokes around diligently, till he produces a pellet sized, black object from the guy’s leg. The doctor rambles on about the most boring stuff while Pat 17 is shown leaving the back door to protect his identity. We never are told Pat 17’s name, but his face is shown constantly in interviews, and later on we see his house, his car and the house interior so his neighbors and co-workers can make fun of him till he dies from embarrassment.

Back to the doctor playing the organ for some unexplained reason.

The new title tells us we are now in ‘El Segundo, California’ to visit a lab for an electron microscope viewing of the ‘implant’. We meet the absolutely suspicious character named Steve Colbern. He is the guy to see in alien implant ‘non territorial’ investigations. If you want to see why I mention suspicious, please Google his name and be prepared for a good laugh. This guy was actually called into the investigation for the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, mind you, he was questioned and released, but he was Timothy McVeigh’s ‘go-to guy’ for some obscure reason. I kid you not.

Anyway, ‘Steve’ gets to work in his lab, which doesn’t seem to match the outside view we are presented with earlier, it looks like the projection room of an abandoned porn theater. And his ‘electron microscope’ looks like it was bought 4th hand on E-bay. Without missing a beat or seemingly any sort of analysis he concludes (with about three conversations going on in the background) that the object is alien in nature, and came from beyond our solar system and galaxy. How in the f**k would he know this ? Has he been beyond this galaxy to study the mineral makeup of stars and planets millions of light years away ? He tells us it is a sophisticated nano technological device that surely is of the other world. And from watching this show so far, I have concluded that these folks are borderline miscreants on the perimeter of reality. True rickracks of society.

New title, ‘Altadena, California’. We are now in Pat 17’s garage while this guy works on his POS 125cc Honda dirt bike. This guy is at least 6’4″ and probably weighs in at 220, why is riding a kid’s glorified scooter around ? He talks on and on about the implant, the gangster aliens, and how is going to seek revenge for those imagined peyote visits from aliens back when he was a kid in Las Vegas. He talks on obliviously for awhile till we are so bored we hit fast forward.

Time to remove the stitches from the now infected surgical procedure that the inept and imbecile doctor performed earlier. Pat 17 seems pissy as the observation is made looking at the overexposed and completely wrong angle X-rays are shown. Could the evil, gangster aliens have planted more implants? Could the aliens with an agenda be watching him right now as we speak ? Could a robin actually show up in your garden before springtime ? We will never know… But the stitches are successfully removed and Pat 17 is shown the back door.

Stock footage of space station pretending to broadcast commercial radio signals is shown again. Coast to Coast AM has an urgent message to send out, Dr. Leir has died from a sudden heart attack. That’s it, back to talking about those infernal, malevolent aliens that seem to be everywhere messing with us.

Remember ‘Steve’ ? Well, we are now at his house (I guess) watching as he stares at the inside of his fish tank, all the while talking fish nonsense. Why you may ask ? Never explained. After looking deep into the tank of fish, he mentions Dr. Leir and then proceeds to cry and wipe away fake tears for two awkward minutes. He tells of the great and all knowing doctor getting into the field of alien implant removal, and the doctors’ great efforts to bring the UFO field into the scientific mainstream. Or in laymen’s terms, how he was ridiculed by real physicians for his periphery knowledge of what it means to be a foot doctor, and how he couldn’t find actual patients who would listen to his crazed ideas. ‘Steve’ now ruminates on the point at hand, the implant. First he describes most humans as dumbass fish (like in the tank, now I see the connection) and how we need to find the properties of the implant. ‘Steve’ also tells of the major importance of hacking into the vast ‘alien internet’, you know, the secret communications of aliens through their super dooper computers. He tells us it is the biggest story of not only the 20th century, but the 21st century as well. It’s the biggest story never told !!! Because it is all made up in your delusional mind, ‘Steve’ !!!

Pat 17 is shown getting out of a car in front of a rather nice looking Victorian styled house (that doesn’t need any repairs), and doing sanding and nailing some boards in place. I am guessing this is what he does for a living as the narrator is silent and Pat 17 doesn’t add anything to the story.

New title, ‘Oxnard , California’. Pat 17 walks up to an average ranch house that is decorated with X-mas lights. We go inside to see ‘Steve’ on a couch ready to fill us in on the implant analysis. He very slowly opens an envelope (which according to the show, he prepared himself), and reads off about every element on the periodic table, saying all these elements was found to be present in the analysis of the implant. Pat 17 tries hard to be interested as ‘Steve’ just goes on and on about how this proves the implant is other worldly, but in the end, no proof is given. ‘Steve’ keeps referring these findings to another case, a certain Patient 15. After a very boring interview with ‘Steve’ and Pat 17 sitting there, Pat 17 leaves. Now it is revealed that Pat 15 is actually ‘Steve’ ! He tells us that all this implant business that he went through has ruined his marriage. Now I’m not one to see things that aren’t there, but I am pretty sure the alien thing was the last thing to turn ‘Mrs. Steve’ into a flight risk. After listening to this guy and his ramblings, I was ready to bolt for the door.

Yet another scene of Dr. Leir and his miserable organ recital.

Now Pat 17 is at the cemetery with helmet in hand, as he stands at the good doctor’s grave. He slowly walks away. And curiously enough, Pat 17 is filmed from the shoulders down. First thing I thought of was that this person was a stand in for Pat 17, because the real guy got bored with the filming and couldn’t be bothered with the BS anymore.

New title, ‘New Mexico’. We meet Christopher C., no last name given, in his laboratory which looks just like a worn out shed in the yard behind a double wide trailer. We are told this is the world famous ‘nano-man’, and we are at his shed so he can give us conclusive answers to the questions of aliens, implants, and other stuff relating to this stupid documentary. After looking at some reports from ‘Steve’, he looks at some periodic tables and seems truly astounded that this thing (implant) even exists. He also concludes with great certainty that it came from outside our galaxy. He asks “How do we make people understand the significance of this?”. Is this the smoking gun? I’m guessing we don’t, and no.

Another last shot of the anthill and the busy ants, the narrator anxiously exclaims that more tests are needed, and we are now in the narrator’s house (no titles are given because he obviously doesn’t want anyone knowing where he lives). At his desk in front of his computer I am looking at his neat tattoos on his arm and wondering why he has a rocker of Los Angeles from a Hells Angels patch on his desk. He is now saying that he needs to get ahold of ‘Steve’ to get the more extended tests done right away to get to the bottom of this idiotic documentary, but lo and behold, ‘Steve’ has disappeared ! Doesn’t answer calls, doesn’t answer his door, just gone ! I was ready to hear that maybe he had been abducted by aliens, but they didn’t go that far.

Back to the doctor and his organ music, the narrator drones on a bit and then it is, thankfully, over.

Why didn’t the folks making this garbage send the so called implant to another lab for a second opinion? It is quite obvious that they were searching for the right kook to validate their claims that it was alien orientated in the first place. Who paid for all this lab work, electron microscope business? Pat 17? I very much doubt that, he can’t even afford a respectable motorcycle, and seems to live off the employment of pounding nails in a perfectly good house.

A terrible documentary, non existent  facts to try to convince us of huge story. The whole documentary falls completely apart at the end, with the doctor dead and the goofy lab guy going missing. Whatever was in this poor guy’s leg really amounts to diddle. The production values were pathetic, I think the whole thing was filmed over the course of 3 days with an iPhone.

‘Patient Seventeen’ rating is a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10….

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