Retro Planet 80's

They Call Me Macho Woman!

Year: 1991
Rated: N/A
Release Date: 01 Feb 1991
Country of Origin: USA
Runtime: 81 min
Director: Patrick G. Donahue
Writer: Patrick G. Donahue
Starring: Debra Sweaney, Brian Oldfield, Sean P. Donahue, Mike Donahue
IMDb Rating: 4.1 (105 votes)
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A
Snark Rating: Snarky - The Official Railing Kill mascot Snarky - The Official Railing Kill mascot Snarky - The Official Railing Kill mascot Snarky - The Official Railing Kill mascot

Tromatic Super Heroine Susan Morris has to learn to fend for herself when she decides to escape from the urban jungle. While looking for a charming house in the country, she falls into the clutches of a band of brawny brutes – Mongo and his crew of corporate cretins. A once sweet working girl from the city, Susan is pushed to her limits and becomes a fearsome female warrior. She escapes imprisonment from the gang and, craving revenge, metamorphosizes into a heroic woodland creature. Armed with instruments of steel and skills derived from primitive survival instincts, she repels the evil onslaught. Macho Woman has arrived!

Beavis’s Movie Memories

A few years ago I had the pleasure of viewing They Call Me Macho Woman (also released as Savage Instinct by Bottom Line Studios). Recently, I found it on Amazon Prime and if you look hard enough you’ll probably find it on other streaming services. It had all of the makings of a great bad movie. Made in the late 80’s / early 90’s, check… Studio backed (Troma), check… Oh boy, this should be bad! Well, guess what? It was (kind of), but it was also one of the best examples of a good bad film I’ve seen in quite a while. The movie was never boring and offered a chance to riff the action or dialog at just about every turn. The story, though formulaic, was somewhat original and interesting. The movie is about a hot stereotypical 80’s woman (played by Debra Sweaney) who is recently widowed and looks to move to a rural community to start anew. She hitches a ride with her Realtor, Benny, to take a look at a potential property. Along the way they are harassed by a gang of drug makers led by a guy named Mongo (yes, Mongo). They force Benny’s car off the road and Benny quickly escapes the wreckage and runs to “get help,” leaving our heroine to fend off the bad guys by herself. We later learn that Benny was turned into Mongo food by one of Mongo’s henchmen, thus offering closure.

After she is captured, we do have some short, unsettling scenes of forced affection, but they are not nearly as bad or disturbing as they are in other movies of this caliber. Even though you cringe with discomfort while viewing them, they are needed to make her revenge lust all that more believable and gratifying to the viewer. You wouldn’t believe that her revenge toward the gang members were justified had they simply stolen her $25 Starbucks Gift Card and used it until it had a zero balance. Eventually, she escapes using some very unique and hurtful tactics involving nails, knives, and axes. There is a running gag in the film after she jams a small branch in one of the henchmen’s ears and for the rest of the film he runs around yelling “WHAT?”

Regarding the “hot stereotypical 80’s woman” comment earlier… The comment doesn’t just represent the main character’s looks, but also what she wears. I am a true child of the 80’s. The music, the movies, and the fashion shaped my fragile and impressionable young mind into what it is today, which may explain a lot, actually. Our heroine is a beautiful, tall blonde(a-la Hudson Leick during her Callisto years) wearing a frill-collared blouse, a sweater with one button buttoned, a skirt, and the best 80’s fashion accessory a woman could have… Bobbysocks and high heels! Ah, the 80’s. I do miss it so.

In some rare situations, you have to take the good 80’s fashion with the occasional bad 80’s fashion. Case in point: The feminine, plunged neckline top of one of Mongo’s henchmen, Terk (see image at left). It was a disturbing fashion trend started in the late 70’s and carried over briefly into the 80’s. The 70’s versions of that trend were much more extreme, as demonstrated by the pictures of musicians from the bands Starbuck and Wild Cherry. By the time the 80’s rolled around, the necklines rose a bit, but the shoulder exposure became more pronounced, as evidenced by our henchman Terk.

Getting back to the movie… halfway through, she loses her socks! Great! There goes the whole 80’s fashion hottie theme! But be patient. After she escapes and spends the night in a barn, she ditches the 80’s business look for the jeans and tied-off t-shirt look. She then turns her attention to building, sharpening, and holstering the various weapons that will make up her painful revenge slayings. There is one scene that seems to go on for quite a while where she really sharpens the shit out of an axe! After changing clothes, equipping herself, and doing her hair, she proceeds to head back and give Mongo and his gang a generous helping of what for! She works her way through the army of Mongo’s ghouls and eventually slays Mongo himself by cutting off his head while his helmet is nailed to a tree (just watch it, it will make sense).

As far as B-Movies go, I would give this one 4 snarks. It’s funny and a great film to riff on with your friends. Plus the whole retro fashion aspect makes it a great nostalgia piece, especially for us old timers. I was hoping there was a sequel to this movie but it appears that Debra Sweaney only made this one film. According to IMDB, she had a cameo in another film called The Vineyard, but this was her only main starring role.

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