ABP Episode Recap – S04:E05 Surviving The Lower 48

It’s finally here! The fish-out-of-water episode we predicted back when the Brownklownz were spotted at the bush Tilted Kilt in San Diego. The narrator tells us it’s a ‘lost’ episode. Unfortunately, they found it. BullshitBilly has to go to the bush in Seattle to have tests done to determine what is causing his work-avoidance coma’s. ExtremeBore laments the fact that he doesn’t know if he can live anywhere else except Browntown… Well, maybe the Icy Straight Lodge in Hoonah or in Ketchikan or in Seattle or in… DuhVinciNoah says goodbye to his favorite spider, Sergei. Too bad Sergei’s dead since the … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap – S04:E04 Growing The WolfPack

I guess DuhVinciNoah took this episode off because Mutt takes over his job of inventing completely useless items. The narrator tells us that the Brownklownz need to rebuild Browntown, but since they apparently have a construction crew to do that for them when they are away, they can focus on building important things like a rubber-tube phone system. Bum’s attitude pretty much sums it up. Why do they need to use a phone system made of hoses? Why not just use their cell phones? We see several short cutaway scenes showing the Brownklownz performing various tasks around the island. Next … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap – S04:E03 Winter Watch

Here we are again. Can you believe it? This episode was a little disappointing. Not in a story / plot kind of way but more in a ‘not much to make fun of’ way. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but ParkSlop has begun dragging out the most turgid and boring pedestrian accomplishments of these idiots to the point where what used to be shown in one episode is drawn out over a half dozen. Anyhoo, let’s get down to business with this week’s episode recap of America’s phoniest of phony “reality” shows, Alaskan Bullshit People! In the opening segment, … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap – S04:E02 Driving Miss Rainy

Oh boy! Another week and another bullshit episode of Alaskan Bullshit People! The episode starts out with the SS Grifter making it’s way to Hoonah to pick up a non-running yet essential 4-wheel drive vehicle. Mutt decides to build a hammock out of a sheet and seems quite pleased with himself when it barely holds his weight. The narrator and BullshitBilly recap the events of last week so as to set up the sleep inducing events that follow. The Brownklownz need a skiff and they are offered one by their hauling partner (poor guy) in exchange for hauling a broken … Continue reading

Billy and Ami hint at “Secret Daughter”

No, they’re not talking about the laughably effeminate DuhVinciNoah. Apparently after all of the flack and exposure about how completely bullshit the show is and sites that have exposed the truth about these lazy, aging hippies and their slurred-speech chuds, Discoverup and ParkSlop decided they would have to come clean about the darker side of the Brownklownz. Of course they’ll present it in a way that portrays the Brownklownz as ‘innocent victims’ of evil people. We saw it already  in the first episode of this season where BullshitBilly blamed the gubmint for his legal troubles. He claimed that he didn’t keep … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap S03:E08 Bush Heart

Alaskan Bush People - Victim Card

Just as soon as the bullshit starts, it ends! Here we are at the end of the season and man oh man are there plenty of questions to be answered. For example, will the Brownklownz get jail time for defrauding the state of Alaska? Where will the remaining Brownklownz go since they once again abandoned their ‘home’ that Discoverup and ParkSlop built for them on land they lease on an island inhabited by several dozen other people? I’m sure these questions and more will not be answered until after the court case and jail time is settled and BullshitBilly and … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap S03:E07 Alarmed and Dangerous

Alaskan Bush People - Ami wants grandbabies

In this week’s action packed episode, DuhVinciNoah’s “invention” doesn’t work, SpotlessAmi is back playing the Grand-baby broken record, and ExtremeBore has his extreme heart extremely broken as Madeline returns to a treeless extreme Arizona. Picking up from where last week’s episode left off, the Brownklownz return from a family fishing trip to find out that once again their camp has been ransacked by bears. I guess living wild and isolated in the bush the last thirty years has taught them nothing about bear-proofing a camp or a network supplied home. SpotlessAmi whines that the bear ate all of their sugar … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap S03:E06 Dead In The Water

Alaskan bush people Noah plays chess

Hey, look at that, another week and another insult to human intelligence known as Alaskan Bush People airs another bullshit filled episode. In this hour, the boyz wreck the boat again after it’s been mysteriously moved to the Gustavus dock, DuhVinciNoah and the wonder twins construct a chicken coop, and ParkSlop explains how SpotlessAmi got her teefers fixed! I wonder how many halibut that cost? The episode starts right where it left off with the Brownklown boyz about to need medical assistance (again) while playing with a trebuchet they just happened to find in someone’s front yard. All this season we’ve … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap S03:E05 Dock-u-drama

Alaskan Bush People - Benny Hill music inspiration

Welcome back to another bullshit-packed episode of Alaskan Bush People. In this episode, DuhVinciNoah invents something we never see on camera, Bum rams the SS Grifter into the dock (like father like son), and Bear scares the crap out of two women in Gustavus. The first segment jumps right in with ParkSlop embarrassing themselves and the puffy-shirt wearing pompous ass known as DuhVinciNoah by having him explain his latest and greatest ground-breaking, earth shattering, one of a kind, unique inventions… Running water. Please, PLEEEAAASSE ParkSlop, stop trying to pass this self absorbed simpleton off as some kind of genius! From what I … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap S03:E04 The Ballad Of Billy Brown

Alaskan Bush People - panning for gold

This episode was another in a long line of cuttingroom floor scraps from past seasons ParkSlop glued together and shat out in an attempt to squeeze every penny they can off these people before they go to jail in December. It was supposed to be a tribute to the life and times of BullshitBilly. Personally I couldn’t wait for this episode because whenever they talk about the past they stumble over their own backstory so much you need a scoreboard. The narrator starts by telling us that, “…Living in the bush in Alaska wouldn’t appeal to most people.”  That statement applies to … Continue reading

ABP Episode Recap S03:E03 Rock Paper Skipper

Alaskan Bush People New Series

What a week it’s been! ParkSlop left us on the edge of our seats with last week’s episode ending with the family scurrying about and Mutt telling us that “… If he only has 24 hours left” blah blah blah! Oh-No’s, did something major happen to BullshitBilly or one of the other Brownklownz? Fear not, it was all bullshit. More phony hype from a phony TV show about phony people. At least I’ll sleep better knowing that BullshitBilly is well. Let’s dive right in by talking about the phony ’emergency’. Wolverine, ExtremeBore, and Birdbrain are up high on a hill … Continue reading

ABP Stars Plea Deal Rejected

Mutt from Alaska Bullshit People

According to the Alaska Dispatch News: A Juneau judge rejected a plea deal Thursday that would have allowed stars from Discovery Channel’s wildly popular reality television series “Alaskan Bush People” to avoid jail time for lying on applications to get the Permanent Fund dividend checks given to Alaska residents. http://www.adn.com/article/20151119/alaskan-bush-people-stars-plea-agreement-rejected-judge The judge seems to be set on prescribing some type of jail time as a ‘deterrent’ to others. So far, I really like this guy! Looks like the case and trial will resume in December. Just in time for the “Alaskan Bush People Christmas – Live From Folsom Prison”!